What is a husband? The answer to
this question was not known to me ‘then’. At the age of 19, marriage to me was
like a fairy tale. There would be a Prince Charming who I would fall in love
with and eventually he would ask my hand in marriage. Poooffff!!! that was a
dream. Although I am a die-hard romantic, there was no one who would fit the
bill coz marriage for me has always been for keeps. So eventually I succumbed to my parent’s decision, leaving everything to destiny.
In the process, I was learning to
accept things the way they are. Everything does not happen the way you want it
to happen and I went on with the flow. That was my first lesson on this journey.
Call it respect towards my parents or succumbing or whatever. It taught me
that life is not always, ‘have it my way or the highway’. One must learn to
give in and move on with a positive attitude.
All I knew was I am getting
‘married’ and believed in the clichéd …‘and they lived Happily ever after’.
Little did I know that as kids all of us have been exposed only to the
beginning. What comes next is a surprise which nobody can predict. Whatever
happens is destined to happen. The roller coaster ride begins and ends alongwith your
partner for life or that’s what every couple believes at the time of marriage….’Till
death do us part.!’ Sadly, it does not work that way for many these days.
Well…. I was called 'balika vadhu' (child-bride) by our Daddy (read father-in-law). Just about to turn 20, I was too
young to understand the meaning of the term ‘marriage’. Well to be honest… I did
not even think about or know what marriage meant. And honestly its not just about me, nobody
does. I was barely out of college, I guess I get a benefit of doubt there. Over
the years I found that couples who are even a decade or more into marriage, fail to
understand the ‘true’ meaning of ‘marriage’ and so I still had a long way to go. I was free to explore and learn the ropes of this relationship through the ups and downs together with my life partner.
Having been brought up in a
conservative God-loving family, my values of a ‘marriage’ and a ‘husband’ had
already been imbibed into me since childhood seeing my parents, uncles aunts
having a ‘perfect marriage’ according to me. Well a perfect marriage is not all hunky dory. They all have their share of highs and lows. But what is important is how they managed to sustain that relationship and make things work together as a couple.
Having lived in a joint yet independent family, I grew to love and understand
‘relations’. No matter how independent views a woman had and was vocal about
them, the men in that generation commanded that respect and a woman without
being like the feminist we see these days had no qualms about showering that
respect on her ‘man’. I see it as a gesture of Love and Respect both.
Now we see women wanting
desperately to be called ‘equal’ to men or maybe higher. Women take pleasure in
being superior to men and expect husbands to perform their tasks as ‘equals’.
At the same time the ‘women’ also expect the husband to attend to her since she
is a ‘woman’ and uses her weakness as a woman to suit her needs. Although this
will not be accepted by majority of the independent women, the double standards
cannot be ignored. The existence of a spouse in our life is looked upon by many
with mixed feelings. Now it is more of uncertainty, lack of trust and insecurity
which is devoid of love and respect.
The answer to my question about
what is a husband was answered over the years of marriage. This experience
proved that the clichéd ‘Love at first sight’ is nothing but hogwash and
literally a fairy tale which is fictional. To live up to the term ‘We are in Love’ one
has to undergo several challenges as a couple and in literal sense ‘Till death
do us part’. I learnt several lessons throughout my married life and I am still learning, not willing to give up being a student and working on eliminating the minutest mistake in our relationship.
So being with a man who happens to be the most understanding, sensible, sensitive, caring, level headed, humble, friendly, loving, forgiving person who truly understands and respects relations, I finally understood how an ideal husband should be. These adjectives are not written only for decoration but this man in my life truly deserves not only this but much more. A friend, companion, philosopher, guide, protector, lover, having all the above mentioned qualities is a ‘Husband’. This is not just the definition of a husband… it is what I have experienced living with such a person. I believe that such a person can be all of this only when he is a good human being else such a character can only be found in fictional stories.
Despite of the fake relationships
and broken marriages that are rampant these days, my belief in the institution
of marriages still stands strong. This 'balika vadhu' is no longer a 'balika' (child) but a woman with decades of life's experiences behind her having being exposed to a number of people and their relationships. I have discovered the key ingredients to any healthy relationship is love, compassion,
understanding and respect. The rest automatically follows. Two strangers not
related by blood choose to live together until ‘death do us part’. It is such a
pious relation if one believes that relationships are forever. Over the years I
have realized that although getting married to your best friend is happiness,
but finding your best friend in your husband is a Blessing for Life!
