Aai !

                    "माँ बच्चो की जान होती है,

               वो होते हैं किस्मत वाले,

                        जिनकी माँ होती है।"

Hats off to the lyrisist for penning these beautiful lines. I couldn't have expressed any better after having lost my mother not even a year ago. The mere mention of the word "Maa" or "Aai" springs tears to my eyes and I'm sure it must be the same for all those who have lost their mother.

The best gift of God are the loved ones in our lives. The loss of any one of them is unbearable. Be it our parents who have lived their lives only to keep us happy or our spouse who willingly shoulders our responsibility with love and care, our children for whom we live or our extended family of our friends and relatives. All are important and we are forever indebted to them for showering us with so much of love and affection.

For me, the best memories of my mother was before I was married off. Everybody claim to have the best mother and I am no less. My mother was surely one of the most beautiful and gracious woman inside out and it was a happy realization that there were many others who shared similar sentiments about Aai when I received innumerable phone calls and messages to convey condolences after Aai was no more. However sadly Aai did not get to know that there were a whole lot of people who adored her besides her husband and children.

I was blessed and truly lucky to have a home maker for my mom. A woman who loved her home and her family above anything. Who would spend her time keeping the home spick and span, cooking delicacies for us and in her free time either reading or doing some kind of art work. Mom was a gifted self taught artist and a voracious reader too.

She was a friend not only to me but also my friends who were always welcome to our place. She would chat with them and even join us at a round of carrom. So sharing my college life with my mom was never a big deal. I was always encouraged in whatever I did which has made me what I am today. After any exam or achievement in anything, a token of appreciation from Aai was a ritual. 

However 1 rule prevailed in our household. "Saatchya aat gharaat !!! " At the same time a friend that she was to me, Aai introduced me to the world of romance by buying my favourite Mills and Boon novels which both of us used to read taking turns.

I was exposed to Hindi and Marathi music right from Bhakti geet, Bhav geet, Natya Sangeet to Bollywood songs ever since my birth. My mornings used to begin with the sound of vividh bharati on the radio.

The principled life that I led was all due to my mother's discipline. Our meals used to take place at the fixed time, with all 4 of us sitting at the Dining table. Fuss about food was never entertained. We would have to eat everything served in our plate like it or not. I did not have the guts to tell Aai I hate a particular vegetable and all would go down the throat silently.

 We were no socialites. We lived a simple life however my mother made it a point to introduce me to my entire clan on my mom's side as well as my Dad's. So even if I had not met several of my relatives, I knew we belonged to the same family. Aai with her easy talkative nature would mingle with everybody and would take efforts to visit relatives not only on her side but also my Dad's tagging me alongwith her with no complains from my side as I would love to go everywhere with Aai.

One thing I would hate and which would result in me throwing a tantrum by sulking for days. And that would be when Aai used to leave me at home and go. If she is even a few minutes late, I would sulk and go in my shell .... Unreachable! That's the punishment I would give Aai for leaving me alone and now she has left me forever, never to return. So my tantrums don't work anymore. No more sulking as she is never going to come back home.

I feel blessed to be born to this incredible woman of strength who had to undergo major illness for the entire last decade of her life. Aai suffered from Dementia and Parkinson which took my mother away from me ten years ago.

 However throughout her sufferings Aai has always had a smile on her face. The pain that she felt was never displayed. The answer to the question, "Kashi aahes?" would be "Mi...majet." Such was her strength to bear all sufferings so strongly. Hearing those words I would feel a lump in my throat however would have to gulp it down and fake a smile. It was killing me to do so. There was so much to learn from her, so much that she could have taught my children .... but she left us mid way.

It used to be painful to see this beautiful woman who had never caused any harm to anyone in this condition where she was forgetting everything and moreover everyone. Communicating with her was difficult. It was a punishment not only for her but for my father and her children who had to see her health deteriorating.

Can you magine your mother not recognizing you? Every visit to her would drain me emotionally and mentally. I had lost my mother. She was there but still she wasn't. I could talk to her but she couldn't understand. I knew i had a mother and she was alive... But she did not know I was her daughter. Could there be a punishment worse than this?

Everyday we could see her condition worsening and in a few years she was bedridden. The silver lining to Aai"s illness was that she was blessed to have the best and most wonderful husband by her side who took care of her till her last.

It was torturous for us to see her suffer and I would literally pray to God to free her off her sufferings. Can you imagine anybody could pray for their mother to die?? Yes, I did that. For the person I loved so much. I could not see her suffer and live a life which had no meaning left. My mother had disconnected with this world a decade ago but God finally freed her from her miseries on 10th August 2020.

It was not easy praying to God to take away the one person who loved me unconditionly. Nobody can take Aai"s place and the void is going to be there forever. She will never be forgotten as every breath I take, I owe it to her. My Beautiful loving Aai.

This incredible woman in my life... My mother who has always taught me that do good and goodness will come back to you is no more. Its difficult not remembering her on such days where I miss my mother and feel so miserable that I am forever deprived of the most pious love. The one person who loved me unconditionally is no more. There is no lap to cry on..... There is nobody to share or complain about things that a daughter shares only with her mother.

Happy Mother's Day Aai... Wherever you are. I'm sure you are in a better place.