If only wishes were horses...

Five years was all that I had with him. The loving, kind hearted, progressive, intelligent, dedicated brilliant writer and orator left an ever lasting impression on my mind forever.  He was my 'Daddy' or so to say my father in law. 

Deepak's Daddy became Daddy to a 19 year old since 1993 when I entered this household. Never did I feel that he is just Deepak's Daddy as I was pampered no less than Deepak.

Soon after we got engaged, Daddy had a new zest in him as he enthusiatically officially launched the Youth Wing named 'Yuva Manch' as the cultural platform for our community youngsters under our institution Prabhu Tarun which is a monthly newsletter. Daddy was the Editor of our newsletter having been bestowed with rave reviews and appreciation from the likes of P.L. Deshpande who had acknowledged Daddy's writing skills after reading the book '25 वर्षा पूर्वीचे गिरगांव आणि इतर' which was written by Daddy.

I had been actively involved in organising events, dance, sketching besides my other hobbies since childhood but acting was something I had never aspired for.  However Daddy said he saw a spark in me (which till date I haven't been able to discover myself) and decided to introduce me to our community by casting me in a play.

It was Daddy who gave me my very first play and launched me in the lead role of 'Rashmi' a character from the well known Marathi play 'Lagnachi Bedi'. It was my very first opportunity to act in any play as I had never ever participated even in school plays. I was extremely nervous but Daddy was confident about me.  And yes, he was right.  The play was a super success and the timid little 19 year old Minoti Kothare became a known name over night by the name Sanjana Kothare.

Daddy was not only a tee totaller, he had no other vice, hence a cigarette was a foreign particle in our house. However since my character in the play demanded that I smoke on stage, Daddy had actually permitted me to practice smoking. Deepak bought the mildest cigarette for me and I practiced how to light and smoke a cigarette at home. This is how comfortable Daddy made me feel and I developed a strong rapport with him which has lasted a lifetime.

Daddy left too soon. Even after 25 years Deepak and me still reminisce fond memories of Daddy and also visualise his last days. Its like a video being replayed over and over again till date. 

He was loved by all. During his last days he was surrounded by everyone who loved him a lot. Our then Hon'ble Minister Late Mr. Pramod Navalkar would come to visit him every now and then despite of his busy schedule and spend hours with him.  Not to forget Daddy's long time friend, the noted actor late Mr.Vihang Nayak who would come to spend time with him even after his late night shoots or plays.  Even our then Chief Minister Hon'ble Mr. Manohar Joshi had paid him a visit a day before his demise. Such was the love and adulation commanded by Daddy.

6th September 1998 Daddy left us but he is sorely missed till date. Daddy had a command over the Marathi language and was passionate about our Newsletter Prabhu Tarun. As a tribute to Daddy's immense contribution towards our Pathare Prabhu community, Deepak and me are trying our level best to preserve Daddy's accomplishment in the literary world as a legacy. He will be alive in our hearts forever.

Its been 25 years since he left us on this day and I just could not help not thinking and writing about him. Daddy ought to know that he did not have just one son but he also had a daughter who still loves him as much as a daughter. 

Deepak and me have been missing Daddy and remembering him every now and then throughout these 25 years. But how I wished Daddy was around to groom our children and shower them with the love of a paternal grandfather whom they never got to know.  How I wish Daddy did not leave us so soon. How I wish Daddy was there for us when we needed him the most. How I wish Deepak and Me were not left alone at an age when we needed a father figure over us. If only wishes were horses...

Miss you Daddy.

On the threshold!

As I was looking back over the years last night, it was a surge of emotions. The greys reminded me how time has flown. Another year gone by and the realisation that time is running out. Yes,  it's a day to celebrate for sure. Despite knowing what the Bhagvad Gita has to say about our soul being sent to earth as an atonement of our sins, I still feel blessed to be born and given this human life. 

Yeah, I agree life has not been a cake walk. Infact it has been a massive roller coaster ride so far... but that's what 'Life' is.😊  But as I was reminiscing what had gone by, I could only see the blessings Life has bestowed upon me. I would have missed the beautiful nature God has created, our 5 major senses due to which we are able to enjoy this life, our emotions, our memory,  intelligence and much more which is  given by God in so much abundance that its only gratitude what I feel for him. He has made life so meaningful, beautiful and enjoyable. 

I have come across such wonderful people throughout this beautiful path. Although I will not want to name them here, I am sure they will know whom I'm talking about. The ones who are a part of my day to day to life, you all are so special and important to me that I don't want to imagine my life without you. You have made my life sooooo beautiful that I cherish and look forward to sharing many more happy moments with you. 🤗

God has taken care, protected and showered me with abundant love in the form of my parents, my husband and my children. Stood by me in the form of my brothers and my besties who are nothing but Family to me having helped me withstand all hurdles in life. My lifeboat has managed to sustain all storms due to these anchors in my life and I need you all to know how much I cherish your existence in my life. 🤗

All through these years God has put me in several situations which has exposed the multiple toxic elements whom I needed to eliminate from my life so as to reduce the deep plunges in the graph of my life. And yes, it's been a blessing in disguise. Despite all this, I still maintain God had been kind and generous to me throughout the 49 years of my life. 🙏

Today as I stand on the threshold of my landmark Birthday, I would like to make it memorable for the upcoming year and the rest of my life. Have lots to say but would like to save it for the next year. (Hopefully I should be around by then.) 😉

I have managed to live these 49 years of my life to the fullest thanks not only to God but thanks to that angel which was sent by him on earth to take care of me in his place ... Deepak.😘 Its only coz of him that I was able to tick mark most of the things on my bucket list for this life.  Although a few more things are still pending on my Bucket list, by the grace of God will try to tick mark those in this birth before moving on further in my journey of salvation. 

I take this opportunity to thank all you wonderful people in my life who are taking time out to read this. The ones who have stood by me through thick and thin and also the ones who have taught me that Life is not a bed a roses and that I will need to deal with the thorns too. 

Life is beautiful hence I choose to eliminate negativity from my life and proceed on my journey with the selected few who will be a part of the rest of my life as you make my life happy, contended, peaceful and worth every breath I take. Looking forward to the upcoming year and many more years to come with my chosen ones. 🤗

The Toast !

Dear Aai Daddy,

We would have been planning a grand celebration this year. To celebrate the beginning of our existence in this world as a family. The day you both united as a couple 50 years ago. 18th May 1973, the day we have been celebrating for the past 47 years. 

The 50th year celebration planning would have begun a year in advance. But since we are not fortunate enough to do that, you and Aai deserve atleast a toast to honour this day. 

Had Aai still been with us here, my toast would have been different but nevertheless here goes....

These 50 years have not been a cakewalk for sure but what touches me most is the way you both made it work. It has not only taken adjustments and compromises on both ends but a lot of understanding,  love and respect towards each other. These virtues are more appreciated as they are not to be seen in the current generation which has resulted in a steep rise of Divorces.

As I reminisce our past,  it has truly been a beautiful journey for us as your children. Ẁe have been fortunate enough to have witnessed a beautiful childhood under your protective and loving care. God could not be present physically to take care of us but we could experience the presence of God through you both. 

Aai... I feel we were fortunate enough to have you as a homemaker and not a working woman. I feel incomplete myself as I'm unable to be with my children the way you had been for us although I'm struggling to strike a balance. 

You have been there for us when we needed you the most. We have been fortunate to have your magic touch to our daily meals. Can still remember the wonderful aroma that used to drift throughout the house when you would be in the kitchen. The Chicken or Mutton which used to be cooked only on Sundays in those days would make us feel hungry instantly. Not to forget the afternoon snacks of Waffles or the tikhat rawa with karandi. Our market visits also used to be fun as I would cling on to your arm whilst we walked through the crowded Malad streets. Every visit we would return with loads of goodies and it used to be an enjoyable visit even if it was to the market. 

Your hands on my forehead were the perfect healers when sick. Although your hands have been replaced by Deepak's and the kids, Aai you are sorely missed. Placing my head on your lap, or being cuddled by you would make me feel secure. You had given me so much of love,  care and security that I am bound to miss every minute of that throughout my life.

I have imbibed a lot from you as obviously every child does from their parents. Every child feels their parent is the best and I am no exception. But I am grateful to God for gifting us with you as our Aai and to the wonderful moments we have shared with you in the little time he gave us to be together. 

Daddy... I'm so proud to say that this soft spoken, hard working, meticulous, patient, practical, devoted, caring, disciplined and the most principled man is our Daddy, who is my pillar of strength. These adjectives are not for glorification or decoration but Daddy you are indeed all of the above.  Yes, I'm your little girl till date and I will hold on to your little finger forever.

I so look upto you for being the way you are Daddy. I wish I could have been so meticulous and disciplined the way you are in every field of life. You have spent your entire life working for us to make life so easy and beautiful for us. Appreciate the way you are so dedicated to your work and are still working when most of the people your age are relaxing and enjoying their retired life. Kudos to you. 

Throughout my childhood, I don't recollect any incident where I had longed for something and I was not given. I did not have to ask anything from you as everything was provided to me even before I could think of asking. This habit has grown on me and continues even now. I don't like to ask anything from anyone and I feel the other person ought to understand my needs just like my Aai Daddy did. Bad habit I suppose. 😊

Although I still get scared to drive in the crazy Mumbai traffic, my memory takes me down to my first driving lesson which you gave me on our Fiat car during my school days. I did not have to walk to school early morning with the heavy school bag as the daily one-way drop to school by car was a luxury those days, school being easily a 20 minute walk from home.

Memories are a plenty. Some to be shared with all and some to be treasured just amongst us.  When I see broken families these days, I thank God for blessing us with parents like you and Aai. The way you both had accepted each others flaws and made the marriage work is something which is not seen in the current generation. I admire you for standing by each other through thick and thin. Daddy, I don't think anybody would be able to take care of their wife the way you have taken care of Aai during her last decade. I truly admire you for that Daddy and have immense respect for you. You are truly the perfect husband and father. 

Thanking you and Aai for the wonderful life that you have provided me and Shrinal would seem clichéd and formal but cannot stop expressing my gratitude towards you and Aai for everything you have done for us and for still continuing to take care of us. May God bless our family forever and keep us away from the evil eye. We would have loved to celebrate your 50th Wedding Anniversary today but unfortunately God had other plans.

All I pray to God is to keep you happy, healthy, contented and may you have a peaceful life ahead. Some people like to express some just leave it unsaid ... some don't think it's important to say it in words and some have their own views about sharing in public. But I'm the expressive kinds and love to express and share my feelings in words which last forever.  Love you Aai Daddy for everything that you have given us in this life. 

I still need her !!!

Age is just a number and our emotions affirm the same. Who says that only a toddler or a teenager needs a mother? Who says I'm old enough now, I don't need a mother to take care of me. Irrespective of the age we all need both our parents as long as we live. Although I admit it is not practical, but losing a parent does makes one so vulnerable that one tends to think of the impossible praying for a miracle to happen. 

I miss being in those arms where I was the most secure. Those arms which comforted me in my lows and showered me with unconditional love and affection in every situation. From holding her hand to clinging onto her arm as I grew older, I would follow her wherever she went. Aai has always been available for Shrinal and me 24x7.

 

She has been my idol ever since childhood, someone whom I used to look up to and adore her for the way she took care of Daddy, me, my lil brother and made our house into a warm and cozy home. She was the perfect home maker and Daddy resonates with me whole heartedly. I have grown in a family where Aai has always been available for us and has been taking care of our every need. So, I had always aspired to being the perfect wife, mother and home maker just like my Aai.

Now, this is by far and large looked down upon. I have experienced people ridiculing me for not having any aspirations in life with respect to my career. Nowadays, the chores which used to be performed by a home-maker mother are replaced by the home staff who takes care of everything that a mother does.

Everything can be bought but not the 'time' a mother can give to her home and family. That cannot be replaced by anyone. It bothers me to see how home makers are looked down upon in this commercial world, as these days one's success is valued only by the status and the commercial value one holds in the society.

Nevertheless, my idol has created a deeper impact in my life than the society at large. My Aai was a super woman for me. A woman who was happy in her little world of her husband and children. Who would spend her free time reading or doing some kind of art work which would keep her occupied throughout the day. I have been living in a fairy tale world build by my Aai till I found how Aai was wronged by people who claimed to care for her. The picture perfect world around me shattered as I was exposed to the bitter truth of the real world around me.

The world collapsed for us when we found out about Aai's illness. Reality glared at us as we saw the faces behind the masks. This is one major complaint I have with Aai. She was too naive to see through people. Would trust easily. As she never spoke ill about anybody, It was an unpleasant discovery as I grew older. I became all the more vary of the people around me.

 We had lost Aai the moment we realized that she was forgetting things. Aai was suffering from Dementia and Parkinson. That tore us apart. My family was devastated. Aai was physically with us but still wasn't. We had lost her the moment she stopped recollecting things and trust me it's is the most painful, heart wrenching feeling when your mother fails to recognise you.

I would avoid crying before her but would always break down in isolation. It tormented me to see her in this condition. Gradually I started reducing my meeting with Aai coz seeing her in this state was killing me every day. I was selfish. I was wrong. I was escaping. 

 I would pray to God to relieve her from her sufferings. Release her from the ones who have caused her pain. Although I was praying this, I knew this time I was not selfish. I needed Aai but she was not there for almost a decade. Having someone only physically with you does not make sense. A person has to be with you emotionally, mentally as well as physically. That's with one's mind, heart and soul.

God listened to me this time. Aai left us on 10th August 2020 to go to a place where she must've got what she deserved. A better place to live. However, I still long for her to hold me close and say, "Don't worry, I'm there. " 

I still need her !!!

Happy Women's Day

Introspection for all the men out there...

We are beautiful, loving, caring, nurturing, enterprising, emphatatic, affectionate, strong, powerful, graceful, enigmatic and not to forget a multitasker adapting to every given situation and justifying every role that we play in life.  Be it a daughter, wife, girlfriend, mother, sister, friend etc..

We are capable of withstanding any and every storm that comes our way. We might cry inconsolably but we spring back on our feet ready to face every situation with full vigour and determination. We love passionately and are capable of showering our loved ones with all the love we could possibly bestow.

Today our inbox is flooded with messages wishing us a Happy Women's Day. Is womanhood really celebrated by everyone sending those messages??? And if yes, in what way???

Is a Woman treated with respect in every walk of life? Do you stand by her and support her in every step she takes? Is she been looked upon anything other than an 'object'? 

Are you treating 'every' woman 'other than' your wife and daughter, right??? Introspect!!!

'RESPECT' is what you need to give throughout your life rather than sending just a message every year on 8th of March.

There is an exception to every rule though. We can certainly celebrate Women's Day coz some men do make us feel special. Cheers to those special men who treat every woman in their life with respect and stand by her through thick and thin. 🙏

Cheers to Womanhood and a Happy Women's Day to all the wonderful women in my life.  🤗😀