Till Death do us part !

What is a husband? The answer to this question was not known to me ‘then’. At the age of 19, marriage to me was like a fairy tale. There would be a Prince Charming who I would fall in love with and eventually he would ask my hand in marriage. Poooffff!!! that was a dream. Although I am a die-hard romantic, there was no one who would fit the bill coz marriage for me has always been for keeps. So eventually I succumbed to my parent’s decision, leaving everything to destiny.

In the process, I was learning to accept things the way they are. Everything does not happen the way you want it to happen and I went on with the flow. That was my first lesson on this journey. Call it respect towards my parents or succumbing or whatever. It taught me that life is not always, ‘have it my way or the highway’. One must learn to give in and move on with a positive attitude.

All I knew was I am getting ‘married’ and believed in the clichéd …‘and they lived Happily ever after’. Little did I know that as kids all of us have been exposed only to the beginning. What comes next is a surprise which nobody can predict. Whatever happens is destined to happen. The roller coaster ride begins and ends alongwith your partner for life or that’s what every couple believes at the time of marriage….’Till death do us part.!’  Sadly, it does not work that way for many these days.

Well…. I was called 'balika vadhu' (child-bride) by our Daddy (read father-in-law). Just about to turn 20, I was too young to understand the meaning of the term ‘marriage’. Well to be honest… I did not even think about or know what marriage meant. And honestly its not just about me, nobody does. I was barely out of college, I guess I get a benefit of doubt there. Over the years I found that couples who are even a decade or more into marriage, fail to understand the ‘true’ meaning of ‘marriage’ and so I still had a long way to go. I was free to explore and learn the ropes of this relationship through the ups and downs together with my life partner.

Having been brought up in a conservative God-loving family, my values of a ‘marriage’ and a ‘husband’ had already been imbibed into me since childhood seeing my parents, uncles aunts having a ‘perfect marriage’ according to me. Well a perfect marriage is not all hunky dory. They all have their share of highs and lows. But what is important is how they managed to sustain that relationship and make things work together as a couple. Having lived in a joint yet independent family, I grew to love and understand ‘relations’. No matter how independent views a woman had and was vocal about them, the men in that generation commanded that respect and a woman without being like the feminist we see these days had no qualms about showering that respect on her ‘man’. I see it as a gesture of Love and Respect both. 

Now we see women wanting desperately to be called ‘equal’ to men or maybe higher. Women take pleasure in being superior to men and expect husbands to perform their tasks as ‘equals’. At the same time the ‘women’ also expect the husband to attend to her since she is a ‘woman’ and uses her weakness as a woman to suit her needs. Although this will not be accepted by majority of the independent women, the double standards cannot be ignored. The existence of a spouse in our life is looked upon by many with mixed feelings. Now it is more of uncertainty, lack of trust and insecurity which is devoid of love and respect.

The answer to my question about what is a husband was answered over the years of marriage. This experience proved that the clichéd ‘Love at first sight’ is nothing but hogwash and literally a fairy tale which is fictional. To live up to the term ‘We are in Love’ one has to undergo several challenges as a couple and in literal sense ‘Till death do us part’. I learnt several lessons throughout my married life and I am still learning, not willing to give up being a student and working on eliminating the minutest mistake in our relationship. 

So being with a man who happens to be the most understanding, sensible, sensitive, caring, level headed, humble, friendly, loving, forgiving person who truly understands and respects relations, I finally understood how an ideal husband should be. These adjectives are not written only for decoration but this man in my life truly deserves not only this but much more.  A friend, companion, philosopher, guide, protector, lover, having all the above mentioned qualities is a ‘Husband’. This is not just the definition of a husband… it is what I have experienced living with such a person. I believe that such a person can be all of this only when he is a good human being else such a character can only be found in fictional stories.

Despite of the fake relationships and broken marriages that are rampant these days, my belief in the institution of marriages still stands strong.  This 'balika vadhu' is no longer a 'balika'  (child) but a woman with decades of life's experiences behind her having being exposed to a number of people and their relationships. I have discovered the key ingredients to any healthy relationship is love, compassion, understanding and respect. The rest automatically follows. Two strangers not related by blood choose to live together until ‘death do us part’. It is such a pious relation if one believes that relationships are forever. Over the years I have realized that although getting married to your best friend is happiness, but finding your best friend in your husband is a Blessing for Life!

The Bicycle Messenger !

‘The Bicycle messenger’ ! One might think of it as the latest app to follow the bandwagon of messenger services like Facebook messenger, Telegram, Signal etc. However it isn’t folks. It is one of the oldest messenger service used by our generation and the generations before ours. In the early 1990’s this messenger service was about to reach a point of extinction however it has still managed to survive as it continues to serve in some specific areas and the remote parts of the country.

The Bicycle Messenger aka ‘THE POSTMAN’ reigned for decades and he was the most sought after being the most popular means of communication. I would wait for him to come and deliver my much awaited mails from my near and dear ones. Letters, greetings from friends and family were sent via the post which were diligently delivered by the Postman. There used to be a fixed time when he would be seen walking down my street and I would eagerly wait for him to come up our building and hand over our mails. Seeing him leave the building without ringing our doorbell would leave me disheartened. However even one mail bearing my name would give me immense joy. It signified one very important thing and that would bring an instant smile on my face. Someone had remembered me, someone had thought of me and cared enough about me to take time out to write to me. That someone had taken efforts not only to write but to find a postage stamp, an envelop and drop that letter or card in the postbox down their street. Those were the simple moments of joy. We derived pleasure and happiness out of the smallest but significant things.

The end of the 20^th century saw the emergence of new means of communication using Technology. Wow… I was happy to see that technology had managed to close the distance between people and we could communicate with our near and dear ones whenever we want and receive the reply instantly. That was the birth of Instant messenger. I was thrilled to use Yahooo messenger which was launched sometime in 1998 and it was the most popular IM (Instant Messenger) service back then. The world suddenly seemed so small. Communication became easier and that was when chats became a part of our life. During the same time Hotmail and Google also had their IM Services and I thought this was here to stay as it brought people closer. To be able to connect, communicate and see each other was at a click of button. It was like a dream come true.

However I was wrong. Like there are two sides to every coin, there was something which I had not thought of. Although with the evolution in technology, the physical distance seemed to reduce, the emotional distance increased. We suddenly did not want to be seen online for everybody and then there were options to stay offline for some. People started to avoid chatting giving all sorts of vague excuses like being busy or whatever. The heartfelt handwritten letters which were replaced with emails suddenly seemed to shorten and would be replied to the point, in brief. Birthday cards carefully chosen with meaningful tests were replaced with cold ‘Happy Birthday’ wishes on chat. Although the smilies on the chat were introduced to express the emotion felt at that time by a person, sadly they started replacing words. Verbal communication had reduced. 

Chats which used to go on for hours had suddenly come to an end. The conversations started becoming cold and now there are no meaningful conversations as one does not even know what to say to the other person. Communication has been replaced with forwarded messeages which are not even read. Wonder why this has happened. Have we lost the essence of communication? Although we have Video calls just a click away, many are seen to avoid video calls. The warmth in the relationship has suddenly gone cold. Although technology has brought the world closer, it has also provided us with a loophole to escape. To escape from each other thereby building a wall between two people.

A few days ago as I was going through my treasure chest of memories, I came across letters and cards sent by family and friends. The warmth in those letters took be down memory lane when things were so different. There was communication. There were words and we used to cherish them. Now it hurts to see how communication has lost its flavour. There is no exchange of meaningful conversations. Wonder what has changed? Why couldn’t we put technology to better use and improve our relationships rather than taking people for granted. I miss those hand written letters and cards. I miss my  Bicycle messenger.  

महेश कोठारे - एक धडाकेबाज व्यक्तिमत्व !

            

“महेश कोठारे ! नाम तो सूना ही होगा !!!” हे नाव केवळ महाराष्ट्रापुरते परिचित नाही तर देशभर प्रसिद्ध आहे. अतिशय अभिमानाची गोष्ट आहे की एक परभी नाव इतके प्रसिद्ध आणि लोकप्रिय झाले. त्यांचे असंख्य चाहते जगभर पसरले आहेत आणि त्यांच्या इतक्या वर्षाच्या  कामगिरीबद्दल त्यांना सन्मानितही केले गेले आहे. ह्या सगळ्या बातम्या आपल्यापर्यंत पोहोचल्या आहेत कारण महेश कोठारे यांच्या असंख्य मुलाखती झाल्या आहेत आणि तशीच त्यांच्याबद्दल सर्व माहिती इंटरनेट वर उपलब्ध आहे.

आपल्या पाठारे प्रभू ज्ञातीतपण घरोघरी महेश कोठारे बद्दलची माहिती आहे, मग ती व्यावसायिक पातळीवर असो कींव्हा खाजगी. कुणाचा भाऊ तर कुणाचा मित्र, कुणाचा भाचा तर कुणाचा पुतण्या, कुणाचा मामा तर कुणाचा काका. त्यामुळे मी असे वेगळे काय सांगणार? तुम्हा सर्वाना सगळं माहीत असूनसुद्धा मी महेश कोठारे बद्दल असे वेगळे काय लिहिणार असे तुम्हाला वाटणे स्वाभाविक आहे.

महेश कोठारे पुनः एकदा चर्चेत आहेत कारण ‘द ब्लॅक लेडी’ पुनः एकदा त्यांच्याकडे आली आहे आणि त्यांना ह्या पुरस्काराने सन्मानित केले गेले आहे. १९८६ मध्ये महेश कोठारे यांना २ Filmfare चे अवार्ड्स मिळाले होते त्यांच्या ‘धूमधडाका’ चित्रपटासाठी, ‘सर्वोत्कृष्ट दिग्दर्शक’ आणि ‘सर्वोत्कृष्ट चित्रपट’ आणि आता २०२१ मध्ये त्यांना सन्मानित केले आहे फॉर ‘Excellence in Cinema’.

‘बाल कलाकार’ म्हणून १९६४ मध्ये ‘छोटा जवान’ ह्या चित्रपटासाठी त्यांना ‘विशेष पारितोषिक’ दिले गेले होते. त्यांनी जेवढे चित्रपट बाल कलाकार म्हणून केले ते सर्वच सुपर हिट ठरले. त्या नंतर ‘प्रीत तुझी माझी’ मधून अवघ्या विसाव्या वर्षात प्रथम नायकाच्या भूमिकेत ते दिसून आले. शिक्षण आणि वकिलीचा व्यवसाय सांभाळून त्यांनी नायक म्हणून बरेच चित्रपट केले आणि त्या दरम्यान एका चित्रपटात त्यांनी खलनायकाची भूमीका देखील साकारली आणि त्या भूमिकेला  देखील त्यांनी अगदी योग्य न्याय दिला.

एक बाल कलाकार ते नायक, खलनायक अश्या भूमिका सकारल्यावर त्यांनी झेप घेतली ‘धूम धडका’ ह्या चित्रपटाची निर्मिती आणि दिग्दर्शन करून आणि त्यांतून सुरुवात झाली एका प्रगल्भ निर्माते आणि दिग्दर्शकाच्या भूमिकेची. धूम धडाका पासून त्यांनी मराठी चित्रपटांचा ट्रेंड बदलून टाकला आणि मराठी तरुण पिढीला चित्रपटगृहात यायला आकर्षित केले. महेश कोठारे यांचा ‘formula’ सुपर हिट ठरला आणि त्यापुढे त्यांनी असे बरेच विनोदी चित्रपट निर्मित आणि दिग्दर्शित केले जे भरगोज यायशस्वी ठरले.

आपण जेव्हा महेश कोठारे यांच्या चित्रपटांकडे पाहतो तेव्हा एक गोष्ट प्रकर्षाने लक्षात येते आणि ती म्हणजे महेश कोठारे नी मराठी सिनेसृष्टिला प्रत्येक वेळेस काहीतरी नवीन देण्याचा प्रयत्न केला आहे आणि त्यांचा तो प्रयत्न यशस्वी ठरला आहे. त्यांनी मराठी सिनेमा ला बऱ्याच नव्या गोष्टी दिल्या आहेत. त्यांचा ‘धडाकेबाज’ चित्रपट मराठी सिने सृष्टिचा पहिला ‘Cinemascope’ चित्रपट आहे. ह्याच चित्रपटात त्यांनी ‘special effects’ चा देखील यशस्वीरित्या प्रयोग केला.  

त्या नंतर ही त्यांनी प्रत्येक चित्रपटात काहीतरी नावीन्य आणण्याचा प्रयत्न केला आहे आणि देवाच्या कृपेने तो प्रयत्न यशस्वी ठरला आहे. तसेच ‘चिमणी पाखरे’ ह्या त्यांच्या सिनेमात त्यांनी प्रथमच मराठी सिनेमात ‘Dolby sound’ आणला. त्यांच्या ‘पछाडलेला’ चित्रपटात महेश कोठारे यांनी प्रथमच ‘Computer generated effects’ आणले तर ‘झपाटलेला -२’ मध्ये त्यांनी 3D तंत्रज्ञानाचा उपयोग केला आणि मराठी सिनेमा ला तीचा पहिला मराठी 3D चित्रपट दिला. त्यांचे हे सगळेच प्रयोग यायशस्वी ठरलेले आहेत. केवळ सिनेसृष्टि न्हवे तर छोट्या परड्यावरच्या त्यांच्या सर्वच मालिका यशास्वी ठरल्या आहेत.   

महेश कोठारे यांचे मराठी सिनेसृष्टीतले योगदान आणि विक्रम इतिहासात जमा झाले आहेत जेणेकरून आपल्यालाच नाही पण आपल्या पुढच्या पीढीला देखील एका पाठारे प्रभूचे मराठी सिनेसृष्टीतले योगदान पाहून अभिमान वाटेल. ह्या योगदानामुळे त्यांना हे बहुमूल्य पारितोषिक फॉर ‘‘Excellence in Cinema’ बहाल करणे स्वाभाविकच आहे आणि त्यासाठी मलाच नाही तर आपल्या संपूर्ण ज्ञाती ला त्यांचा अभिमान असायला पाहिजे.

ही झाली ह्या वर्षाची ताजी बातमी जी मी एक सह संपादिकेच्या भूमिकेतून साकार केली परंतु काही गोष्टी आहेत ज्या मी एक पत्रकार म्हणून न्हवे तर महेश कोठारेंची ‘फॅन’ म्हणून निभावू शकेन असे मला वाटते कारण एका कलाकाराला योग्य मान आणि प्रेम केवळ त्याचा चाहता म्हणजेच त्याचा ‘फॅन’ देऊ शकतो. आम्ही एकाच ‘तळपदे’ कुटुंबाचा भाग असल्यामुळे अर्थातच आमच्या घरी महेश मामा बद्दल चर्चा व्हायच्या आणि लहानपणापासूनच मी ‘आपल्या’ सुपरस्टारची ‘फॅन’ झाले.

शाळेत असतानाच मला कळले की महेश कोठारे हे नाव किती प्रसिद्ध आहे. तेव्हा धूमधडका चर्चेत होता आणि त्या वेळेस मराठी चित्रपट जरी असला तरी माझ्या अमराठी मैत्रिणींनी धूम धडाका पाहिलेला आणि महेश कोठारे हे नाव माझ्या मैत्रिणीं मध्ये सुद्धा परिचित होते आणि त्यांचे सर्वच चित्रपट लोकं आवडीने पहायला जायचे ह्याच मला लहानपणापासूनच अभिमान होता. मी आजपर्यंत केवळ तीन ‘फॅन मेल’ पाठवले आहेत आणि माझे पहिले ‘फॅनमेल’ माझ्या वयाच्या 12व्या वर्षी मी महेश मामाला पाठवलेले त्यांची ‘Khaitan’ Fan म्हणून.    

माझ्या मैत्रिणींचा महेश कोठारे बद्दलचा आदर पाहून मला एक गोष्ट लक्षात आली की, जितका संमान परकी माणसं देतात तितकी आपली माणसं देत नाहीत. कारण एखादी व्यक्ति यशस्वी व्हायला लागली की त्या व्यक्तिबद्दल प्रशंसा सोडा, निंदा जास्त ऐकण्यात येतात आणि आश्चर्य म्हणजे मराठी माणसंच मराठी माणसांची निंदा कारायला पुढे असतात.

“निंदकाचे घर असावे शेजारी”, असे म्हणतात खरे परंतु कायम जेव्हा केवळ निंदाच करतात तेव्हा लक्षात येतं की लोकांना केवळ टीका करता येते. प्रशंसा करायला मोठे मन लागते जी फारच दुर्लभ गोष्ट आहे. कधीतरी शंका येते की हा दोष केवळ आपल्या मराठी माणसातच आहे की काय. कवी चंद्रशेखर गोखले यांनी कीती योग्य म्हटलंय, “चढाओढ या शब्दाचा अर्थ आपण कीती उलट लावतो, कोणी वर चढताना दिसला, कि लग्गेच खाली ओढायला धावतो.” 

मला अजूनही कळत नाही की, ‘आपलं’ समजून कोणी का साथ देत नाही? टीका करणाऱ्यांनी एवढा तरी विचार करावा की आपण तेवढे तरी करू शकतो का जे त्या व्यक्तीने केले आहे? एक ‘फॅन’ म्हणून मला ह्या गोष्टींचा प्रचंड राग येतोच परंतु जास्त राग ह्या गोष्टीचा येतो की ‘आपल्या’ माणसांबद्दल कोणी टीका का करावी? प्रोत्साहनाची पहिली थाप जेव्हा आपल्या माणसांकढून येते तेव्हा स्वतःवरचा विश्वास अजूनही भक्कम होतो. एखादी व्यक्ति त्याचा बळावर पुढे येते, प्रचंड परिश्रम घेऊन बरेच पडाव पार करून आपले नाव कामावते परंतु त्या परिश्रमाला नजरेआड करून लोकांना केवळ टीका करण्यात स्वारस्य असते ही फाराच लज्जास्पद गोष्ट आहे.  

महेश कोठारे यांची हल्लीच झालेली एक मुलाखत मी ‘यू ट्यूब’ वर पाहिली आणि ती पाहून त्यांच्याविषयी अभिमान द्विगुणित झाला. मी महेश कोठारे यांना एका वेगळ्या दृष्टीने पाहिले. एक अतिशाय ‘Down to Earth’ व्यक्तिमत्व समोर आले जे मला खरोखर अपेक्षित नव्हते.  आपली ‘Success story’ सगळेच सांगतात परंतु आपले अपयश ‘social media’ वर जाहीर स्वीकारणे फार कमी. आपल्यातही काही दुर्बलता आहे हे मान्य करणारे महेश कोठारे दिसले परंतु आपल्या सामर्थ्याला जोपासून पुढे जाऊन सर्व अडथळ्यांवर मात करून जिंकणारे महेश कोठारेही दिसले आणि त्याचक्षणी ते, ‘धडाकेबाज’ ठरले. ह्या माणसांत मी साहस पाहिला, जगाशी भिडण्याची ताकद पाहिली आणि जी गोष्ट मला सर्वात आकर्षित करते, ती म्हणजे त्यांचा ‘प्रामाणिकपणा’ दिसला. एका ‘pheonix’ पक्षासारखी त्यांची भरारी पाहिली. ज्या साहसाने त्यांनी सर्व अडथळ्यांना पार केले आणि आज हा मुक्काम गाठला, त्या बद्दल अभिमान वाटला.

महेश कोठारे यांनी मराठी सिनेसृष्टिला जे योगदान दिले आहे ते अमूल्य आहेच आणि जो पर्यंत मराठी सिनेसृष्टि आहे तो पर्यंत तरी त्यांचे नाव अमर आहे. महेश कोठारे आम्हाला तुमचा प्रचंड अभिमान आहे. तुमचे मनापासून अभिनंदन. तुम्हाला तुमच्या पुढ्या वाटचालीसाठी खूप खूप शुभेच्छा आणि तुमच्या ‘Fans’ ची संख्या वाढत जावो हीच सद्दीछा. परंतु तुमचा ‘Khaitan Fan’ कायम एकच हां ... “संजना उर्फ मिनोती कोठारे!!! नाम तो सुना होगा???”  

 

The biggest gamble of life!

It is indeed a special occassion to be celebrating the entry into adulthood. Not only for the birthday girl/boy but also the parents. Well, now that they are adults... 'young adults', they are free to take their own major decisions of life. Now they are legally old enough to walk their path alone.

A deep surge of emotions encompasses me as I reminisce the days when my babies were little. All the memories, right from the time I got to know I was pregnant till date... everything comes before me just like a flashback. Ofcourse Deepak and me simply love reminiscing old memories and we have done that a thousand times. But this is special. Now that our children are both majors, I am experiencing a hell lot of emotions... a feeling of happiness, anxiety, thrill, excitement and many many more.

Seems like just yesterday that my second little bundle of joy was born. Nostalgia which keeps hitting me often, hit once again as I was going through all the memories captured in the form of photos and videos. Both the kids rolled their eyes as a teary eyed me exclaimed at every photo and video with an "Awww ... You were such a cutie!" I'm sure all the mother's out there do the same and I'm no exception.

The future of our babies is a concern which a parent always carries for their lifetime. Although some might say, I'm not worried, its their future and I am confident they will take the right decision, deep down we do care and are secretly concerned about their decisions. Be it in their career or their personal lives.

Seeing the clichéd 'Happily ever after' scenario all around, it does bring a lot of apprehension in me. Gone are the days when we would learn to love the partners chosen by our parents and live our entire life happily with them. Commitment, adjustments and sacrifices used to be purely out of love and no ulterior motive. The essence of marriage has lost its flavour. Now its only selfish gains, power, manipulation that has taken over in a marriage which is quite alarming. How do we know if our child has chosen the 'right' life partner.

Although I might find its pretty early to think about marriage, the thought does bother me as the wrong life partner is capable of making one's life miserable forever. Not only the partner's life but the entire family is destroyed . The scar of a bad marriage is difficult to heal. Trust is broken and once broken, it can never be mended.

My family including my children have seen people fake their behaviour and manipulate to stay in the marriage for years but as they say, truth always wins. The real face behind the mask is revealed. God makes it a point to reveal the real identity of the person and the fake image is shattered.

But sadly my children had to witness the ugly side to marriage at an impressionable age. After seeing such people in life up close and personal, even the children know and realize that they would never want to have such a life partner. But then its scary as their trust and faith in marriage is shaken. They have realized that there is an ugly side to marriage as well. Everything is not pleasant as it looks. There is also the flip side to it and the 'right' decision in choosing their life partner is nothing but a gamble. In this world of hypocrisy, it surely is a tough job finding a genuine life partner.

Although one might say marriage is not everything, for me it is definitely a concern as there is an increase in the number of children coming from broken families. These children are raised in a unhealthy family life surrounded by ill feelings, fights, arguments, hypocrite behavior, treachery, selfishness... name it and they are engulfed in all these negative emotions. This was not the case earlier but now one of the major criteria while choosing a 'life partner' is to check whether they come from a 'complete' family. The relationship between the parents needs to be evaluated as the values imbibed in the child majorly depends on the healthy family atmosphere in the house. Love, compassion, understanding, sacrificing, adjusting with each other becomes the natural nature of a child raised in a happy family where the concept of living together is the most normal thing to do.

As I am engulfed with these thoughts and concern about the future of my children, I also know that everything is destined. Whatever has to happen will happen. It is the fear of the unknown that bothers me.

To be very honest, seeing the failed marriages around me does scare me. But then I remind myself about the Law of the Universe. It is to attract the positivity from the Universe and believe that everything is beautiful and happening the way I want. That makes me get away from the bitter reality of life and try to get positive vibes from this beautiful all giving Universe.

So as my little girl crosses her first landmark birthday, I bestow upon my children the positivity of life which is full of love and compassion. The understanding and sensibility not to believe in everything that comes before them. The realization that there are demons wearing the garb of angels and trying to intice them. To be amongst empathetic, generous, gentle, loving, kind hearted people. The strength to overcome all hurdles coming up their path be it in their career or personal life. The ability to unmask the fake people out there and be able to see the real person beneath before they cause harm. The will power to stand for what they believe in and live a truthful life devoid of all the negativities and unplesantries around. That's the positivity that keeps me going as I see this beautiful world of 'real' beautiful people and so I pass the mantle of positive thinking to my children as well and wish them a blessed life ahead.

Are you a Sutton-Richard ?

 

“I Love You Richard but… I don’t want to have children.” This is what Sutton said to Richard. For those who have not followed this series on Netflix, Sutton Brady and Richard Hunter are characters from the popular series ‘The Bold Type’ which is about a Fashion Magazine 'Scarlet' in New York which chronicles the professional and personal lives of three women. Well to brief you a bit, Sutton Brady is a 26 year old Fashion Assistant who is promoted to a Fashion Stylist and marries 41 year old Richard Hunter who is an in-house attorney.

It is a fabulous series with characters we can all relate to and something in that series made me come up with this write up. These characters are so real that we too have come across such people in our lives who need to get a reality check on what they want out of their lives before it is too late.

The couple has been in a sizzling affair at work and the high flying Richard proposes marriage to a small town Sutton. Everything is hunkydory and Sutton is enjoying being officially engaged to Richard and eventually they decide to get married. Sutton is a career oriented girl and passionate about her job as a Fashion Assistant. Sutton claims to be in love with Richard however is unable to prioritize her life when they are supposed to plan their wedding together. She puts her career first which is gracefully accepted by Richard who is supportive as he is completely in love with Sutton.

Sutton agrees to relocate to San Fransisco with Richard after marriage so that they could start a new life together. However, on the wedding day, Oliver her boss, gifts her with something that she has always longed for…. A promotion as a Fashion Stylist. On the day of the wedding, Sutton breaks the news to Richard that although she is in love with him, she cannot move to San Fransisco and wanted to accept the promotion. Although Richard is upset he supports Sutton’s dreams knowing he will have to make sacrifices and adjustments. Richard makes up his mind and they get married.

Thereafter Sutton conceives following an unplanned pregnancy immediately after marriage. Richard is thrilled that he is going to be the father however Sutton is apprehensive and when the pregnancy ends up in a miscarriage, Sutton is relieved. Sutton buys time saying that she is not ready to have a child as yet. Richard once again supports her and agrees to give her time even though he is distressed knowing that Sutton does not want a baby for some time.

Richard is concerned about his age as there is a major age difference betwen the two but Sutton finds a solution to that and suggests that they freeze the sperms. Richard agrees for that too however does not wish to wait for long and Sutton promises that they will try for a baby after 5 years. However she has no intention of getting pregnant ever. So she finally decides to confess and tells Richard that she loves him very much but following the miscarriage she realized that she does not want to have children. Richard is devastated with this and decides to leave her.

Richard had always been supportive of Sutton when it came to her decisions about her career and her personal choices even if it meant sacrificing his own desires. However Sutton has always prioritized her career and her freedom over Richard. Despite of that she claims to be in Love with Richard. Is this what Love is all about?? Infact I don’t see Sutton being in love with Richard at all. She is in Love with herself, her dreams, her career, her freedom. That is what she wants and that is what she is in love with, not Richard!

Isn’t this something we get to see amongst a lot of people out there? There is a Sutton and a Richard who have different priorities. One is giving while the other is only taking. Love is only used as a clichéd term. It does not mean anything. Sutton’s priority in life was her career however she had made a decision to move with Richard which she should have stood by and supported him instead of letting him go and choosing her career over him. That’s not Love for sure. 

Sutton has always been indecisive. Her choice about not having children ever should have been conveyed to Richard before marriage. However Sutton defends herself by saying that she realized she did not want children only after she had a miscarriage. This was no excuse for shattering dreams of the person who loved her and had always been supportive towards her decisions. She longs her freedom and wants to enjoy life the way it is without children but she conveniently fails to understand her husband who is longing and dreaming to have children. But apparently his dreams and aspirations are not considered before her selfish desires.

We have a lot of people out there like Sutton and Richard who believe that what they have between them is love. They proclaim their love for each other however the marriage is nothing but a farce as they are not willing to compromise, make adjustments or sacrifices. Wanting to do something for the other even if it hurts you is love however one needs to understand that sacrifices, compromises and adjustments are never one-sided. Marriage is dual game to be played in partnership. If one gives the other needs to reciprocate to make it work. This is what love is all about and this is what is needed not to end up like a Sutton-Richard.

"You are 16 going on 17."

"You are sixteen going on seventeen....Fellows will fall in line

Eager young lads and rogues and cads ....Will offer you food and wine."

Well I'm not gender biased. This applies for our young lads as well. However its a typical situation faced by all of us right? Although earlier girls would not take the boys out for food and wine.... but they would cook for their beau. Yeah, its a beautiful phase of life which ought to be taken only as a learning experience. College life is so much fun. We are newly out of school exposed to this whole new world which we presume has given us the freedom to do anything and everything. Entering the world of College, we all feel there are no restrictions whatsoever. We can do whatever we want without our parents knowing.

The first day of college has always been full of excitement and thrill for all of us. We don't know who our new friends are going to be but the most handsome / beautiful face usually catches our eye and we all have secret desires to have that good looking hunk / beauty as our paramour. But that is all that we see.... Good looks that catches our eye. Nothing wrong though as we are all naive, inexperienced at that age and we all have had our crushes.

The heart skips a beat when he/ she enters the classroom. We try to befriend that someone special by hook or crook and finally manage to utter the first "hello" and gradually enter into their life. The world suddenly seems to revolve around that one special person. At that time everything about the person seems just 'perfect' but is it really?  

Love is in the Air. I too have a girl friend / boy friend by my side soon becomes a status symbol. In no time they realize that their eye candy already has an eye for other sugar candies as well. It is a heart wrenching realization that the handsome hunks / beauties have clearly kept their options open and you are just one of them. Nothing serious though and the castles they have built in the air go ....  poooffff !!! 

Following the heart break, it feels as though the world has come to an end. There is no future life without that someone special whom they believed to be the love of their life. Then comes depression, addiction to vices like smoking, drinking, drugs to name a few and eventually neglect towards studies and their future career. What they fail to see is this is not the end of the world but just the beginning of a beautiful life ahead. They shut doors from their parents and loved ones and get enveloped in self pity and depression.

However, what they fail to understand is its not that nobody cannot see anything, nobody cannot understand anything, least of all our parents. What they forget is that their parents too have gone through the same situation. They too had been sixteen at some point of time and have done the same things that they are doing by not sharing their life with the ones who love them the most.

We feel that our parents don't understand however the same was experienced by our parents and their parents too. They too had assumed that their parents will not understand them. This has been going on for decades and there are some things which cannot be taken as a precedent. Some things need to change and we need to bring about this change if we want a stable, contended and happy life ahead. And the change that needs to be brought about is making our parents our BFF's (Best Friend Forever) and sharing our lives with them as nobody can care and love you more than your parents. They are the first ones to help you overcome your problems and also help you find a solution to tackle any situation.

Although I wonder why the secrecy? I would tell my mother everything I would do in college. "Aai... we bunked a lecture today.", "Aai, we were sitting on the open gutter outside our college. Don't worry Aai its a clean dry gutter." Aai, today we went to Shiv Sagar." "Today after college we went to so and so's place for our dance practice"... all fun things were shared and my friends too had an open access to our home where my mother would chat with my friends. That was the fun of sharing with my mother. Dad used to be at work and mom was always around. So atleast one parent was aware of whats happening in my life. All my boyfriends (let me clarify here ... friends who were boys) were friends with my mom. However she could easily gather who was giving me special attention. But there was nothing to share with her as it did not develop into anything special. But if it did... I would have loved to share it with my mom. 

Well there are some who are pretty sure that the ideal man or their lady love is right in front of them in college itself. It is Luvvvv at first sight for them and the naive little hearts who don't even understand what 'real love' is like, they fool themselves into believing that what they have experienced is 'Love'.  Little do they understand that physical attraction is not Love. College Love is 'puppy' love. Their 'love' bubble bursts soon after they get married and realize that the person they have got married to is extremely diffilcult to live with. Then follows the ugly seperation scene for some and the rest continue to adjust and live a miserable life pretending to the world that their marriage is fairy tale story. They start believing that it is their responsibility to stay commited in the marriage as the partner had once upon a time stayed committed in the relationship and married them. There is no turning point for them after a few years down the line as by then they have the children's future to consider. 

Well.... it is a gamble for sure. However what we need to understand is that college is not the time to take this gamble of life. Life is a roller coaster ride with a lot of ups and downs. It is the person who stands by you through all your struggles, not just your highs but also your lows, that is the person for you. A clingy partner is fun only during college days but later in life you will crave for personal space as you will find yourself trapped in your marriage with no breathing space for yourself. It takes years to understand what real love is all about. It is the journey of Life which shows who is a perfect partner for you and that is your true love coz Love can never happen at first sight.

As a college teen you need to focus on education and work and priortize life towards building a career without which there is no sound future. A secure, well balanced, responsible, culturally and morally sound partner belonging to a secure family background is always 'The Chosen One'. To be so ... one needs to belong to the family having strong family values, have good educational qualification, a bright career and live a principled life. So stay focussed folks... and remember to share this with your new BFF's.... Your parents !!!