Passion Hunt !!!

“What is it that you are passionate about?” 

This is a question that has been posed to me several times by my buddies, during our intimate discussions. However, I have not really answered that question and to my astonishment, not even to myself!

 Oxford says that ‘Passion’ is a very strong feeling, especially of Love, Hate or Anger. Well, my greys have given me the opportunity to experience all these emotions very strongly! However, besides love (only the romantic, ‘conditional’ one), the rest do not qualify as ‘passion’ for me.

Passion is also a value that holds significant meaning to you, or an activity that you enjoy doing. Going by that theory too, it is difficult for me to pinpoint any one ‘passion’ that I pursue. Being a Jack of all trades, I’ve dabbled in writing, dancing, singing, anchoring, painting, modelling, organizing events and acting, too. However, despite this exhaustive list, none of these activities could qualify as my ‘passion’. 

Some people are so sorted that they don’t need to rack their brains while talking about their passion. Pat comes the reply, and I’m amazed so see how defined their thought process is. Some common answers I came across were cooking, gardening, gymming, dancing and singing, to name a few. However, I still could not zero down to even one activity I am passionate about!

Passion being a very intense emotion, I realized there’s one thing that builds a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something in me. Voila! I found my Passion (or so I thought) - it’s building Relationships!!! Romance comes first to my mind, but it’s not only the romantic relationship that I’m talking about. I would sum up all relationships in general. It could be a relation with an old school friend, or an attachment to a classmate who I didn’t even know in college, but has now turned into a Soulmate! 

It could be my cousins, with whom I’ve spent my childhood, or even long-lost cousins whom I’ve met after decades. Also, my immediate family or my extended family of relatives and friends, and even my community on the whole! Is connecting with my friends, relatives, and all those acquainted with me, my passion?? Or am I just deriving false pleasures out of the relationships I'm attempting to build? 

Technology has been a blessing, and I’m happy to have utilized it to the fullest. It all began with the social platform ‘Orkut’, where I met some of my old school and college classmates. I couldn't call them friends, because that’s not what they were back then. They were just classmates, but thanks to these social networking platforms which helped me build relations, they have now become ‘friends’ in the true sense. This has got me going, to connect with more and more classmates, acquaintances, long-lost relatives, etc. 

It was an addiction, but again - can I call it my ‘passion’? 

Is bringing everybody together my passion?

From being instrumental in gathering a handful of school friends to create a group which has now crossed over a hundred, to creating groups with my cousins and extended family (not only on my maternal side but my in-laws as well), and from gathering friends from my neighborhood, to the community I was born in - The Pathare Prabhu clan, I have done it all! 

The reason? It just ‘feels good’!

I feel elated with the sense of belonging. The camaraderie shared amongst the group members, gives me an adrenaline rush. My soul feels happy, and I’m filled with a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. 

Perhaps this has got something to do with my past life…

However, this happiness is not consistent. Seeing most of them not reciprocating my feelings, some even being averse to the thought of connecting with their peers, relatives, community folks etc., and even those who prefer being reticent and choosing not to interact with or get associated with others, preferring isolation instead, deflates my enthusiasm to continue. The reasons for their indifference and detachment remains unknown. 

This flip side deters me, and then I begin to wonder whether it is even worth the effort! 

As I said, not all relationships are reciprocated in the expected manner. People do not take the other at face value. Suspicions, jealousy, hatred, being judgmental, assumptions etc., are all instrumental in hindering the culmination of a beautiful relationship. Lack of interest shown by the other in developing a bond, limits and restricts the passion within, which eventually leads to disappointment and failure to build a good relationship. And, a good relationship can never be one-sided. This does not serve my purpose of getting people together, and attempting to develop a bonding between them and building a healthy, harmonious society. This thought itself is far-fetched, and more of a dream. 

Unbelievable and impossible, nothing short of a fantasy!

The realization dawned on me, that I’ve been living in a fantasy world and in love with my dreams. No wonder, they seemed so perfect and surreal!  

So, does it mean I’m passionate about my Dreams? 

Well, I’m still trying to find the answer to the question, “What is it that you are passionate about?”!!!