महेश कोठारे - एक धडाकेबाज व्यक्तिमत्व !

            

“महेश कोठारे ! नाम तो सूना ही होगा !!!” हे नाव केवळ महाराष्ट्रापुरते परिचित नाही तर देशभर प्रसिद्ध आहे. अतिशय अभिमानाची गोष्ट आहे की एक परभी नाव इतके प्रसिद्ध आणि लोकप्रिय झाले. त्यांचे असंख्य चाहते जगभर पसरले आहेत आणि त्यांच्या इतक्या वर्षाच्या  कामगिरीबद्दल त्यांना सन्मानितही केले गेले आहे. ह्या सगळ्या बातम्या आपल्यापर्यंत पोहोचल्या आहेत कारण महेश कोठारे यांच्या असंख्य मुलाखती झाल्या आहेत आणि तशीच त्यांच्याबद्दल सर्व माहिती इंटरनेट वर उपलब्ध आहे.

आपल्या पाठारे प्रभू ज्ञातीतपण घरोघरी महेश कोठारे बद्दलची माहिती आहे, मग ती व्यावसायिक पातळीवर असो कींव्हा खाजगी. कुणाचा भाऊ तर कुणाचा मित्र, कुणाचा भाचा तर कुणाचा पुतण्या, कुणाचा मामा तर कुणाचा काका. त्यामुळे मी असे वेगळे काय सांगणार? तुम्हा सर्वाना सगळं माहीत असूनसुद्धा मी महेश कोठारे बद्दल असे वेगळे काय लिहिणार असे तुम्हाला वाटणे स्वाभाविक आहे.

महेश कोठारे पुनः एकदा चर्चेत आहेत कारण ‘द ब्लॅक लेडी’ पुनः एकदा त्यांच्याकडे आली आहे आणि त्यांना ह्या पुरस्काराने सन्मानित केले गेले आहे. १९८६ मध्ये महेश कोठारे यांना २ Filmfare चे अवार्ड्स मिळाले होते त्यांच्या ‘धूमधडाका’ चित्रपटासाठी, ‘सर्वोत्कृष्ट दिग्दर्शक’ आणि ‘सर्वोत्कृष्ट चित्रपट’ आणि आता २०२१ मध्ये त्यांना सन्मानित केले आहे फॉर ‘Excellence in Cinema’.

‘बाल कलाकार’ म्हणून १९६४ मध्ये ‘छोटा जवान’ ह्या चित्रपटासाठी त्यांना ‘विशेष पारितोषिक’ दिले गेले होते. त्यांनी जेवढे चित्रपट बाल कलाकार म्हणून केले ते सर्वच सुपर हिट ठरले. त्या नंतर ‘प्रीत तुझी माझी’ मधून अवघ्या विसाव्या वर्षात प्रथम नायकाच्या भूमिकेत ते दिसून आले. शिक्षण आणि वकिलीचा व्यवसाय सांभाळून त्यांनी नायक म्हणून बरेच चित्रपट केले आणि त्या दरम्यान एका चित्रपटात त्यांनी खलनायकाची भूमीका देखील साकारली आणि त्या भूमिकेला  देखील त्यांनी अगदी योग्य न्याय दिला.

एक बाल कलाकार ते नायक, खलनायक अश्या भूमिका सकारल्यावर त्यांनी झेप घेतली ‘धूम धडका’ ह्या चित्रपटाची निर्मिती आणि दिग्दर्शन करून आणि त्यांतून सुरुवात झाली एका प्रगल्भ निर्माते आणि दिग्दर्शकाच्या भूमिकेची. धूम धडाका पासून त्यांनी मराठी चित्रपटांचा ट्रेंड बदलून टाकला आणि मराठी तरुण पिढीला चित्रपटगृहात यायला आकर्षित केले. महेश कोठारे यांचा ‘formula’ सुपर हिट ठरला आणि त्यापुढे त्यांनी असे बरेच विनोदी चित्रपट निर्मित आणि दिग्दर्शित केले जे भरगोज यायशस्वी ठरले.

आपण जेव्हा महेश कोठारे यांच्या चित्रपटांकडे पाहतो तेव्हा एक गोष्ट प्रकर्षाने लक्षात येते आणि ती म्हणजे महेश कोठारे नी मराठी सिनेसृष्टिला प्रत्येक वेळेस काहीतरी नवीन देण्याचा प्रयत्न केला आहे आणि त्यांचा तो प्रयत्न यशस्वी ठरला आहे. त्यांनी मराठी सिनेमा ला बऱ्याच नव्या गोष्टी दिल्या आहेत. त्यांचा ‘धडाकेबाज’ चित्रपट मराठी सिने सृष्टिचा पहिला ‘Cinemascope’ चित्रपट आहे. ह्याच चित्रपटात त्यांनी ‘special effects’ चा देखील यशस्वीरित्या प्रयोग केला.  

त्या नंतर ही त्यांनी प्रत्येक चित्रपटात काहीतरी नावीन्य आणण्याचा प्रयत्न केला आहे आणि देवाच्या कृपेने तो प्रयत्न यशस्वी ठरला आहे. तसेच ‘चिमणी पाखरे’ ह्या त्यांच्या सिनेमात त्यांनी प्रथमच मराठी सिनेमात ‘Dolby sound’ आणला. त्यांच्या ‘पछाडलेला’ चित्रपटात महेश कोठारे यांनी प्रथमच ‘Computer generated effects’ आणले तर ‘झपाटलेला -२’ मध्ये त्यांनी 3D तंत्रज्ञानाचा उपयोग केला आणि मराठी सिनेमा ला तीचा पहिला मराठी 3D चित्रपट दिला. त्यांचे हे सगळेच प्रयोग यायशस्वी ठरलेले आहेत. केवळ सिनेसृष्टि न्हवे तर छोट्या परड्यावरच्या त्यांच्या सर्वच मालिका यशास्वी ठरल्या आहेत.   

महेश कोठारे यांचे मराठी सिनेसृष्टीतले योगदान आणि विक्रम इतिहासात जमा झाले आहेत जेणेकरून आपल्यालाच नाही पण आपल्या पुढच्या पीढीला देखील एका पाठारे प्रभूचे मराठी सिनेसृष्टीतले योगदान पाहून अभिमान वाटेल. ह्या योगदानामुळे त्यांना हे बहुमूल्य पारितोषिक फॉर ‘‘Excellence in Cinema’ बहाल करणे स्वाभाविकच आहे आणि त्यासाठी मलाच नाही तर आपल्या संपूर्ण ज्ञाती ला त्यांचा अभिमान असायला पाहिजे.

ही झाली ह्या वर्षाची ताजी बातमी जी मी एक सह संपादिकेच्या भूमिकेतून साकार केली परंतु काही गोष्टी आहेत ज्या मी एक पत्रकार म्हणून न्हवे तर महेश कोठारेंची ‘फॅन’ म्हणून निभावू शकेन असे मला वाटते कारण एका कलाकाराला योग्य मान आणि प्रेम केवळ त्याचा चाहता म्हणजेच त्याचा ‘फॅन’ देऊ शकतो. आम्ही एकाच ‘तळपदे’ कुटुंबाचा भाग असल्यामुळे अर्थातच आमच्या घरी महेश मामा बद्दल चर्चा व्हायच्या आणि लहानपणापासूनच मी ‘आपल्या’ सुपरस्टारची ‘फॅन’ झाले.

शाळेत असतानाच मला कळले की महेश कोठारे हे नाव किती प्रसिद्ध आहे. तेव्हा धूमधडका चर्चेत होता आणि त्या वेळेस मराठी चित्रपट जरी असला तरी माझ्या अमराठी मैत्रिणींनी धूम धडाका पाहिलेला आणि महेश कोठारे हे नाव माझ्या मैत्रिणीं मध्ये सुद्धा परिचित होते आणि त्यांचे सर्वच चित्रपट लोकं आवडीने पहायला जायचे ह्याच मला लहानपणापासूनच अभिमान होता. मी आजपर्यंत केवळ तीन ‘फॅन मेल’ पाठवले आहेत आणि माझे पहिले ‘फॅनमेल’ माझ्या वयाच्या 12व्या वर्षी मी महेश मामाला पाठवलेले त्यांची ‘Khaitan’ Fan म्हणून.    

माझ्या मैत्रिणींचा महेश कोठारे बद्दलचा आदर पाहून मला एक गोष्ट लक्षात आली की, जितका संमान परकी माणसं देतात तितकी आपली माणसं देत नाहीत. कारण एखादी व्यक्ति यशस्वी व्हायला लागली की त्या व्यक्तिबद्दल प्रशंसा सोडा, निंदा जास्त ऐकण्यात येतात आणि आश्चर्य म्हणजे मराठी माणसंच मराठी माणसांची निंदा कारायला पुढे असतात.

“निंदकाचे घर असावे शेजारी”, असे म्हणतात खरे परंतु कायम जेव्हा केवळ निंदाच करतात तेव्हा लक्षात येतं की लोकांना केवळ टीका करता येते. प्रशंसा करायला मोठे मन लागते जी फारच दुर्लभ गोष्ट आहे. कधीतरी शंका येते की हा दोष केवळ आपल्या मराठी माणसातच आहे की काय. कवी चंद्रशेखर गोखले यांनी कीती योग्य म्हटलंय, “चढाओढ या शब्दाचा अर्थ आपण कीती उलट लावतो, कोणी वर चढताना दिसला, कि लग्गेच खाली ओढायला धावतो.” 

मला अजूनही कळत नाही की, ‘आपलं’ समजून कोणी का साथ देत नाही? टीका करणाऱ्यांनी एवढा तरी विचार करावा की आपण तेवढे तरी करू शकतो का जे त्या व्यक्तीने केले आहे? एक ‘फॅन’ म्हणून मला ह्या गोष्टींचा प्रचंड राग येतोच परंतु जास्त राग ह्या गोष्टीचा येतो की ‘आपल्या’ माणसांबद्दल कोणी टीका का करावी? प्रोत्साहनाची पहिली थाप जेव्हा आपल्या माणसांकढून येते तेव्हा स्वतःवरचा विश्वास अजूनही भक्कम होतो. एखादी व्यक्ति त्याचा बळावर पुढे येते, प्रचंड परिश्रम घेऊन बरेच पडाव पार करून आपले नाव कामावते परंतु त्या परिश्रमाला नजरेआड करून लोकांना केवळ टीका करण्यात स्वारस्य असते ही फाराच लज्जास्पद गोष्ट आहे.  

महेश कोठारे यांची हल्लीच झालेली एक मुलाखत मी ‘यू ट्यूब’ वर पाहिली आणि ती पाहून त्यांच्याविषयी अभिमान द्विगुणित झाला. मी महेश कोठारे यांना एका वेगळ्या दृष्टीने पाहिले. एक अतिशाय ‘Down to Earth’ व्यक्तिमत्व समोर आले जे मला खरोखर अपेक्षित नव्हते.  आपली ‘Success story’ सगळेच सांगतात परंतु आपले अपयश ‘social media’ वर जाहीर स्वीकारणे फार कमी. आपल्यातही काही दुर्बलता आहे हे मान्य करणारे महेश कोठारे दिसले परंतु आपल्या सामर्थ्याला जोपासून पुढे जाऊन सर्व अडथळ्यांवर मात करून जिंकणारे महेश कोठारेही दिसले आणि त्याचक्षणी ते, ‘धडाकेबाज’ ठरले. ह्या माणसांत मी साहस पाहिला, जगाशी भिडण्याची ताकद पाहिली आणि जी गोष्ट मला सर्वात आकर्षित करते, ती म्हणजे त्यांचा ‘प्रामाणिकपणा’ दिसला. एका ‘pheonix’ पक्षासारखी त्यांची भरारी पाहिली. ज्या साहसाने त्यांनी सर्व अडथळ्यांना पार केले आणि आज हा मुक्काम गाठला, त्या बद्दल अभिमान वाटला.

महेश कोठारे यांनी मराठी सिनेसृष्टिला जे योगदान दिले आहे ते अमूल्य आहेच आणि जो पर्यंत मराठी सिनेसृष्टि आहे तो पर्यंत तरी त्यांचे नाव अमर आहे. महेश कोठारे आम्हाला तुमचा प्रचंड अभिमान आहे. तुमचे मनापासून अभिनंदन. तुम्हाला तुमच्या पुढ्या वाटचालीसाठी खूप खूप शुभेच्छा आणि तुमच्या ‘Fans’ ची संख्या वाढत जावो हीच सद्दीछा. परंतु तुमचा ‘Khaitan Fan’ कायम एकच हां ... “संजना उर्फ मिनोती कोठारे!!! नाम तो सुना होगा???”  

 

The biggest gamble of life!

It is indeed a special occassion to be celebrating the entry into adulthood. Not only for the birthday girl/boy but also the parents. Well, now that they are adults... 'young adults', they are free to take their own major decisions of life. Now they are legally old enough to walk their path alone.

A deep surge of emotions encompasses me as I reminisce the days when my babies were little. All the memories, right from the time I got to know I was pregnant till date... everything comes before me just like a flashback. Ofcourse Deepak and me simply love reminiscing old memories and we have done that a thousand times. But this is special. Now that our children are both majors, I am experiencing a hell lot of emotions... a feeling of happiness, anxiety, thrill, excitement and many many more.

Seems like just yesterday that my second little bundle of joy was born. Nostalgia which keeps hitting me often, hit once again as I was going through all the memories captured in the form of photos and videos. Both the kids rolled their eyes as a teary eyed me exclaimed at every photo and video with an "Awww ... You were such a cutie!" I'm sure all the mother's out there do the same and I'm no exception.

The future of our babies is a concern which a parent always carries for their lifetime. Although some might say, I'm not worried, its their future and I am confident they will take the right decision, deep down we do care and are secretly concerned about their decisions. Be it in their career or their personal lives.

Seeing the clichéd 'Happily ever after' scenario all around, it does bring a lot of apprehension in me. Gone are the days when we would learn to love the partners chosen by our parents and live our entire life happily with them. Commitment, adjustments and sacrifices used to be purely out of love and no ulterior motive. The essence of marriage has lost its flavour. Now its only selfish gains, power, manipulation that has taken over in a marriage which is quite alarming. How do we know if our child has chosen the 'right' life partner.

Although I might find its pretty early to think about marriage, the thought does bother me as the wrong life partner is capable of making one's life miserable forever. Not only the partner's life but the entire family is destroyed . The scar of a bad marriage is difficult to heal. Trust is broken and once broken, it can never be mended.

My family including my children have seen people fake their behaviour and manipulate to stay in the marriage for years but as they say, truth always wins. The real face behind the mask is revealed. God makes it a point to reveal the real identity of the person and the fake image is shattered.

But sadly my children had to witness the ugly side to marriage at an impressionable age. After seeing such people in life up close and personal, even the children know and realize that they would never want to have such a life partner. But then its scary as their trust and faith in marriage is shaken. They have realized that there is an ugly side to marriage as well. Everything is not pleasant as it looks. There is also the flip side to it and the 'right' decision in choosing their life partner is nothing but a gamble. In this world of hypocrisy, it surely is a tough job finding a genuine life partner.

Although one might say marriage is not everything, for me it is definitely a concern as there is an increase in the number of children coming from broken families. These children are raised in a unhealthy family life surrounded by ill feelings, fights, arguments, hypocrite behavior, treachery, selfishness... name it and they are engulfed in all these negative emotions. This was not the case earlier but now one of the major criteria while choosing a 'life partner' is to check whether they come from a 'complete' family. The relationship between the parents needs to be evaluated as the values imbibed in the child majorly depends on the healthy family atmosphere in the house. Love, compassion, understanding, sacrificing, adjusting with each other becomes the natural nature of a child raised in a happy family where the concept of living together is the most normal thing to do.

As I am engulfed with these thoughts and concern about the future of my children, I also know that everything is destined. Whatever has to happen will happen. It is the fear of the unknown that bothers me.

To be very honest, seeing the failed marriages around me does scare me. But then I remind myself about the Law of the Universe. It is to attract the positivity from the Universe and believe that everything is beautiful and happening the way I want. That makes me get away from the bitter reality of life and try to get positive vibes from this beautiful all giving Universe.

So as my little girl crosses her first landmark birthday, I bestow upon my children the positivity of life which is full of love and compassion. The understanding and sensibility not to believe in everything that comes before them. The realization that there are demons wearing the garb of angels and trying to intice them. To be amongst empathetic, generous, gentle, loving, kind hearted people. The strength to overcome all hurdles coming up their path be it in their career or personal life. The ability to unmask the fake people out there and be able to see the real person beneath before they cause harm. The will power to stand for what they believe in and live a truthful life devoid of all the negativities and unplesantries around. That's the positivity that keeps me going as I see this beautiful world of 'real' beautiful people and so I pass the mantle of positive thinking to my children as well and wish them a blessed life ahead.

Are you a Sutton-Richard ?

 

“I Love You Richard but… I don’t want to have children.” This is what Sutton said to Richard. For those who have not followed this series on Netflix, Sutton Brady and Richard Hunter are characters from the popular series ‘The Bold Type’ which is about a Fashion Magazine 'Scarlet' in New York which chronicles the professional and personal lives of three women. Well to brief you a bit, Sutton Brady is a 26 year old Fashion Assistant who is promoted to a Fashion Stylist and marries 41 year old Richard Hunter who is an in-house attorney.

It is a fabulous series with characters we can all relate to and something in that series made me come up with this write up. These characters are so real that we too have come across such people in our lives who need to get a reality check on what they want out of their lives before it is too late.

The couple has been in a sizzling affair at work and the high flying Richard proposes marriage to a small town Sutton. Everything is hunkydory and Sutton is enjoying being officially engaged to Richard and eventually they decide to get married. Sutton is a career oriented girl and passionate about her job as a Fashion Assistant. Sutton claims to be in love with Richard however is unable to prioritize her life when they are supposed to plan their wedding together. She puts her career first which is gracefully accepted by Richard who is supportive as he is completely in love with Sutton.

Sutton agrees to relocate to San Fransisco with Richard after marriage so that they could start a new life together. However, on the wedding day, Oliver her boss, gifts her with something that she has always longed for…. A promotion as a Fashion Stylist. On the day of the wedding, Sutton breaks the news to Richard that although she is in love with him, she cannot move to San Fransisco and wanted to accept the promotion. Although Richard is upset he supports Sutton’s dreams knowing he will have to make sacrifices and adjustments. Richard makes up his mind and they get married.

Thereafter Sutton conceives following an unplanned pregnancy immediately after marriage. Richard is thrilled that he is going to be the father however Sutton is apprehensive and when the pregnancy ends up in a miscarriage, Sutton is relieved. Sutton buys time saying that she is not ready to have a child as yet. Richard once again supports her and agrees to give her time even though he is distressed knowing that Sutton does not want a baby for some time.

Richard is concerned about his age as there is a major age difference betwen the two but Sutton finds a solution to that and suggests that they freeze the sperms. Richard agrees for that too however does not wish to wait for long and Sutton promises that they will try for a baby after 5 years. However she has no intention of getting pregnant ever. So she finally decides to confess and tells Richard that she loves him very much but following the miscarriage she realized that she does not want to have children. Richard is devastated with this and decides to leave her.

Richard had always been supportive of Sutton when it came to her decisions about her career and her personal choices even if it meant sacrificing his own desires. However Sutton has always prioritized her career and her freedom over Richard. Despite of that she claims to be in Love with Richard. Is this what Love is all about?? Infact I don’t see Sutton being in love with Richard at all. She is in Love with herself, her dreams, her career, her freedom. That is what she wants and that is what she is in love with, not Richard!

Isn’t this something we get to see amongst a lot of people out there? There is a Sutton and a Richard who have different priorities. One is giving while the other is only taking. Love is only used as a clichéd term. It does not mean anything. Sutton’s priority in life was her career however she had made a decision to move with Richard which she should have stood by and supported him instead of letting him go and choosing her career over him. That’s not Love for sure. 

Sutton has always been indecisive. Her choice about not having children ever should have been conveyed to Richard before marriage. However Sutton defends herself by saying that she realized she did not want children only after she had a miscarriage. This was no excuse for shattering dreams of the person who loved her and had always been supportive towards her decisions. She longs her freedom and wants to enjoy life the way it is without children but she conveniently fails to understand her husband who is longing and dreaming to have children. But apparently his dreams and aspirations are not considered before her selfish desires.

We have a lot of people out there like Sutton and Richard who believe that what they have between them is love. They proclaim their love for each other however the marriage is nothing but a farce as they are not willing to compromise, make adjustments or sacrifices. Wanting to do something for the other even if it hurts you is love however one needs to understand that sacrifices, compromises and adjustments are never one-sided. Marriage is dual game to be played in partnership. If one gives the other needs to reciprocate to make it work. This is what love is all about and this is what is needed not to end up like a Sutton-Richard.

"You are 16 going on 17."

"You are sixteen going on seventeen....Fellows will fall in line

Eager young lads and rogues and cads ....Will offer you food and wine."

Well I'm not gender biased. This applies for our young lads as well. However its a typical situation faced by all of us right? Although earlier girls would not take the boys out for food and wine.... but they would cook for their beau. Yeah, its a beautiful phase of life which ought to be taken only as a learning experience. College life is so much fun. We are newly out of school exposed to this whole new world which we presume has given us the freedom to do anything and everything. Entering the world of College, we all feel there are no restrictions whatsoever. We can do whatever we want without our parents knowing.

The first day of college has always been full of excitement and thrill for all of us. We don't know who our new friends are going to be but the most handsome / beautiful face usually catches our eye and we all have secret desires to have that good looking hunk / beauty as our paramour. But that is all that we see.... Good looks that catches our eye. Nothing wrong though as we are all naive, inexperienced at that age and we all have had our crushes.

The heart skips a beat when he/ she enters the classroom. We try to befriend that someone special by hook or crook and finally manage to utter the first "hello" and gradually enter into their life. The world suddenly seems to revolve around that one special person. At that time everything about the person seems just 'perfect' but is it really?  

Love is in the Air. I too have a girl friend / boy friend by my side soon becomes a status symbol. In no time they realize that their eye candy already has an eye for other sugar candies as well. It is a heart wrenching realization that the handsome hunks / beauties have clearly kept their options open and you are just one of them. Nothing serious though and the castles they have built in the air go ....  poooffff !!! 

Following the heart break, it feels as though the world has come to an end. There is no future life without that someone special whom they believed to be the love of their life. Then comes depression, addiction to vices like smoking, drinking, drugs to name a few and eventually neglect towards studies and their future career. What they fail to see is this is not the end of the world but just the beginning of a beautiful life ahead. They shut doors from their parents and loved ones and get enveloped in self pity and depression.

However, what they fail to understand is its not that nobody cannot see anything, nobody cannot understand anything, least of all our parents. What they forget is that their parents too have gone through the same situation. They too had been sixteen at some point of time and have done the same things that they are doing by not sharing their life with the ones who love them the most.

We feel that our parents don't understand however the same was experienced by our parents and their parents too. They too had assumed that their parents will not understand them. This has been going on for decades and there are some things which cannot be taken as a precedent. Some things need to change and we need to bring about this change if we want a stable, contended and happy life ahead. And the change that needs to be brought about is making our parents our BFF's (Best Friend Forever) and sharing our lives with them as nobody can care and love you more than your parents. They are the first ones to help you overcome your problems and also help you find a solution to tackle any situation.

Although I wonder why the secrecy? I would tell my mother everything I would do in college. "Aai... we bunked a lecture today.", "Aai, we were sitting on the open gutter outside our college. Don't worry Aai its a clean dry gutter." Aai, today we went to Shiv Sagar." "Today after college we went to so and so's place for our dance practice"... all fun things were shared and my friends too had an open access to our home where my mother would chat with my friends. That was the fun of sharing with my mother. Dad used to be at work and mom was always around. So atleast one parent was aware of whats happening in my life. All my boyfriends (let me clarify here ... friends who were boys) were friends with my mom. However she could easily gather who was giving me special attention. But there was nothing to share with her as it did not develop into anything special. But if it did... I would have loved to share it with my mom. 

Well there are some who are pretty sure that the ideal man or their lady love is right in front of them in college itself. It is Luvvvv at first sight for them and the naive little hearts who don't even understand what 'real love' is like, they fool themselves into believing that what they have experienced is 'Love'.  Little do they understand that physical attraction is not Love. College Love is 'puppy' love. Their 'love' bubble bursts soon after they get married and realize that the person they have got married to is extremely diffilcult to live with. Then follows the ugly seperation scene for some and the rest continue to adjust and live a miserable life pretending to the world that their marriage is fairy tale story. They start believing that it is their responsibility to stay commited in the marriage as the partner had once upon a time stayed committed in the relationship and married them. There is no turning point for them after a few years down the line as by then they have the children's future to consider. 

Well.... it is a gamble for sure. However what we need to understand is that college is not the time to take this gamble of life. Life is a roller coaster ride with a lot of ups and downs. It is the person who stands by you through all your struggles, not just your highs but also your lows, that is the person for you. A clingy partner is fun only during college days but later in life you will crave for personal space as you will find yourself trapped in your marriage with no breathing space for yourself. It takes years to understand what real love is all about. It is the journey of Life which shows who is a perfect partner for you and that is your true love coz Love can never happen at first sight.

As a college teen you need to focus on education and work and priortize life towards building a career without which there is no sound future. A secure, well balanced, responsible, culturally and morally sound partner belonging to a secure family background is always 'The Chosen One'. To be so ... one needs to belong to the family having strong family values, have good educational qualification, a bright career and live a principled life. So stay focussed folks... and remember to share this with your new BFF's.... Your parents !!!    

Aai !

                    "माँ बच्चो की जान होती है,

               वो होते हैं किस्मत वाले,

                        जिनकी माँ होती है।"

Hats off to the lyrisist for penning these beautiful lines. I couldn't have expressed any better after having lost my mother not even a year ago. The mere mention of the word "Maa" or "Aai" springs tears to my eyes and I'm sure it must be the same for all those who have lost their mother.

The best gift of God are the loved ones in our lives. The loss of any one of them is unbearable. Be it our parents who have lived their lives only to keep us happy or our spouse who willingly shoulders our responsibility with love and care, our children for whom we live or our extended family of our friends and relatives. All are important and we are forever indebted to them for showering us with so much of love and affection.

For me, the best memories of my mother was before I was married off. Everybody claim to have the best mother and I am no less. My mother was surely one of the most beautiful and gracious woman inside out and it was a happy realization that there were many others who shared similar sentiments about Aai when I received innumerable phone calls and messages to convey condolences after Aai was no more. However sadly Aai did not get to know that there were a whole lot of people who adored her besides her husband and children.

I was blessed and truly lucky to have a home maker for my mom. A woman who loved her home and her family above anything. Who would spend her time keeping the home spick and span, cooking delicacies for us and in her free time either reading or doing some kind of art work. Mom was a gifted self taught artist and a voracious reader too.

She was a friend not only to me but also my friends who were always welcome to our place. She would chat with them and even join us at a round of carrom. So sharing my college life with my mom was never a big deal. I was always encouraged in whatever I did which has made me what I am today. After any exam or achievement in anything, a token of appreciation from Aai was a ritual. 

However 1 rule prevailed in our household. "Saatchya aat gharaat !!! " At the same time a friend that she was to me, Aai introduced me to the world of romance by buying my favourite Mills and Boon novels which both of us used to read taking turns.

I was exposed to Hindi and Marathi music right from Bhakti geet, Bhav geet, Natya Sangeet to Bollywood songs ever since my birth. My mornings used to begin with the sound of vividh bharati on the radio.

The principled life that I led was all due to my mother's discipline. Our meals used to take place at the fixed time, with all 4 of us sitting at the Dining table. Fuss about food was never entertained. We would have to eat everything served in our plate like it or not. I did not have the guts to tell Aai I hate a particular vegetable and all would go down the throat silently.

 We were no socialites. We lived a simple life however my mother made it a point to introduce me to my entire clan on my mom's side as well as my Dad's. So even if I had not met several of my relatives, I knew we belonged to the same family. Aai with her easy talkative nature would mingle with everybody and would take efforts to visit relatives not only on her side but also my Dad's tagging me alongwith her with no complains from my side as I would love to go everywhere with Aai.

One thing I would hate and which would result in me throwing a tantrum by sulking for days. And that would be when Aai used to leave me at home and go. If she is even a few minutes late, I would sulk and go in my shell .... Unreachable! That's the punishment I would give Aai for leaving me alone and now she has left me forever, never to return. So my tantrums don't work anymore. No more sulking as she is never going to come back home.

I feel blessed to be born to this incredible woman of strength who had to undergo major illness for the entire last decade of her life. Aai suffered from Dementia and Parkinson which took my mother away from me ten years ago.

 However throughout her sufferings Aai has always had a smile on her face. The pain that she felt was never displayed. The answer to the question, "Kashi aahes?" would be "Mi...majet." Such was her strength to bear all sufferings so strongly. Hearing those words I would feel a lump in my throat however would have to gulp it down and fake a smile. It was killing me to do so. There was so much to learn from her, so much that she could have taught my children .... but she left us mid way.

It used to be painful to see this beautiful woman who had never caused any harm to anyone in this condition where she was forgetting everything and moreover everyone. Communicating with her was difficult. It was a punishment not only for her but for my father and her children who had to see her health deteriorating.

Can you magine your mother not recognizing you? Every visit to her would drain me emotionally and mentally. I had lost my mother. She was there but still she wasn't. I could talk to her but she couldn't understand. I knew i had a mother and she was alive... But she did not know I was her daughter. Could there be a punishment worse than this?

Everyday we could see her condition worsening and in a few years she was bedridden. The silver lining to Aai"s illness was that she was blessed to have the best and most wonderful husband by her side who took care of her till her last.

It was torturous for us to see her suffer and I would literally pray to God to free her off her sufferings. Can you imagine anybody could pray for their mother to die?? Yes, I did that. For the person I loved so much. I could not see her suffer and live a life which had no meaning left. My mother had disconnected with this world a decade ago but God finally freed her from her miseries on 10th August 2020.

It was not easy praying to God to take away the one person who loved me unconditionly. Nobody can take Aai"s place and the void is going to be there forever. She will never be forgotten as every breath I take, I owe it to her. My Beautiful loving Aai.

This incredible woman in my life... My mother who has always taught me that do good and goodness will come back to you is no more. Its difficult not remembering her on such days where I miss my mother and feel so miserable that I am forever deprived of the most pious love. The one person who loved me unconditionally is no more. There is no lap to cry on..... There is nobody to share or complain about things that a daughter shares only with her mother.

Happy Mother's Day Aai... Wherever you are. I'm sure you are in a better place.

Facebook 'Friends' ... Really ?

During the time Facebook was newly launched, it was soon becoming the most sought after source as 'Orkut' was about to pack its bags. The new rage to locate old friends, school/college mates, distant relatives, was getting popular by the day and it was a pleasure seeing the number of 'Friends' increase on my profile. Being a people's person, I was thrilled to connect with my schoolgirls, accept friendship requests of people sharing mutual friends with me, not to forget my relatives who had settled abroad for years. Facebook had brought the two ends of the world together and it felt like the world was indeed very small.

Just like a child who does not want to let go of his new toy, we were all hooked onto Facebook, me being no exception. It was a thrilling experience to find long lost friends and relatives knowing that they were all out there on one common platform. Wow!!! Now we can stay in touch forever was my naive thought. Gradually friends of friends started sending in friend requests and seeing a trustworthy mutual friend or relative, the new friend was also added to the bandwagon. I'm sure most of you must have done that.

Sharing the ups and downs of our life with our Family and friends was the main purpose of being on Facebook. However, for some it became a free entertainment zone to stalk someone's private life. These people would not share anything about their life but would be the silent stalker who would know everything about whats happening in other's lives. At times I would wonder if they actually accessed Facebook or no or have they unfriended or blocked me as they would not even make their presence felt by liking or commenting on my posts however, they would be there just like a stalker who lurks in the shadows. It was a tedious task to run down the list of Friends as it had crossed a sizeable number only to check if all on my list are my well-wishers or just stalkers.  

As the child batters his latest possession till he gets tired of it, Facebook was abused to the extent that people gradually stopped sharing. The lack of privacy was also becoming a concern. I personally decided to declutter my profile and unabashedly deleted the so-called friends from my list of friends who had made no attempt to communicate even though the friend request had been sent by them. 

This did not stop me from sharing however it continued to be limited to a restricted circle of friends. It had been quite a while since I had checked out the number of 'Friends' on my Facebook profile only to realize that despite of cutting down the numbers, still a lot have not kept in touch which makes me wonder what could be the reason for sending friend requests if the intention was never to maintain 'Friendship'. Are they really 'Friends'??? 

Facebook should have actually considered classifying this category of 'FRIENDS'. They could be one - time acquaintances, relatives, relative of relatives, friend of friends, stalkers, whatever .... but everybody definitely cannot be under the term 'Friends'. A Friend is for Life. The one who stands by you through thick and thin. The one who is true to you behind your back. Then how can everybody come under that term 'Friends' ?  

Ironical it might seem that although technology seemed to have successfully bridged the geographical distance between us, it has created an unfathomable void between us. People started stalking hence people stopped sharing. The wolves started wearing garbs of the lambs and started mingling. It all started looking scary. Trust became a very crucial aspect, and it was difficult befriending anybody without thinking twice. Better stay away and go underground has always been my stand. So that was it.... besides the birthday wishes, I started avoiding any posts to feed the wolves. 

However, the nature of a person rarely changes. I had to be back in the social circle where I belong. The pandemic once again brought me in close contact with social media being the only source to stay connected with my friends and family and bring them together in these difficult times. So, it was back to social media which if used sensibly can indeed be a boon.

So although the thought still remains whether everybody out there is a Friend or not.... Social media is here to stay and so are Socialites like me. 

God Loving or God fearing?

 "I walk barefooted to Siddhi Vinayak every Tuesday." "Every quarter I make it a point to visit Shirdi."  I'm sure all of you must have come across these devotees. I have for sure and then my mind goes ticking on a different tangent altogether. I am definitely not an atheist. I believe in the Almighty and have immense faith in him however I have my own beliefs. As they say to each his own but certain things do not escape my eye and as I am known to express myself ruthlessly, I could not help but think ... are these devotees God Loving or God Fearing? 

A plethora of thoughts came gushing as I thought to myself that will merely visiting temples or performing all sorts of 'pujas' qualify a person to be pious? Is such a person freed off all his sins? Is this done out of Love or Fear of the unknown? Do they earn brownie points merely by performing these activities to appease the Lord?

Then what about a person who does not visit temples or perform puja everyday however he has been performing his duties as a good human being? He has perhaps helped a stranger in the day or put a smile on someone's sad face, reached across to a friend who was depressed or attended to his parents, fed a starving dog or maybe visited his grandparents only to make them happy. However he has not worshiped any idol throughout the day. Does that mean he loves God any less? Will he be called the sinner for not having idol worshipped the Lord? 

At times I wonder if God himself would prefer a devotee who merely idol worships him or serves the community being a true humanitarian? 

Unfortunately most of the people who pray to the Lord have something to ask from him. Haven't known anybody who remembers the Lord purely out of Love. Would like to know someone who remembers God with no ulterior motive. However as there are exceptions to every rule, I admit there are pure hearted people out there who not only idol worship but also perform their duties as a good human being. They look for no selfish gains before paying obeisance to the Lord and they could be truly called God Loving. 

Whereas the other lot approach the Lord only out of fear. Fear that if they do not pray to him, they will face problems in life besides having a vested interest for pleasing the Lord for material gains. These people think that if they do not do certain things, God will get furious with them and he will not bless them with what they want from him.

I have observed some people performing puja daily, chanting the Lords name, reading holy scriptures however the same is only mechanical as their thoughts are elsewhere. They do all these things only to safegaurd their interest. However at that moment they could be looking out of the window at the fight happening across the street or their ears might be paying attention to a one sided conversation over a phone chat happening in the room. Once they are done with their so-called service to God, the next moment they could be back bitting someone, spreading gossip and rumours about whats happening in someone else's house, talking ill about someone with malice, jealousy, etc. So does their mechanical service to idol worship serve any good? 

Another thought that came across my mind was that would God himself prefer a devotee who loves him or the one who fears him? Even we humans for that matter would prefer someone doing something for us out of love rather than fear or some vested interest, wouldn't we? If an act is performed only to escape the wrath of the other or with a selfish intention, wouldn't it nullify the feeling of Love?

I have even come across someone performing the 'puja' everyday but at the same time serving stale leftovers to their house maid. I believe that if we cannot eat leftovers as they would not be good for our health, then how can anybody take a risk with someone else's life? Would that be considered loving 'God'?  I would say they dont even fear God coz if they would fear God they would not commit such an act with the fear that they will be punished for their wrong doings. 

We all know that God exists in every Human Being and so does the Demon. When evil prevails the goodness in person, the Demon wins and the person engages in demonic behavior and activities. Similarly when Goodness prevails and wins over the evil, the person becomes pious and angelic. However an amount of evil still exists in even pious people, else we would have become saints but we are not and hence unable to attain 'moksh'. 

A God Loving person believes that God exists in every human being and every good deed performed by him towards another living being is a service to God himself. He sees God in every living being and his every action is made with love for God and is attributed to the Lord. 

How many of them are really 'one' with the Almighty while chanting his name a thousand times? Is their mind and heart pure at that time with no malice, greed, ego, jealousy, anger, hatred towards another living being? However one does not realize that these feelings do not help them in reaching to the Lord.The name of the Almighty cannot be chanted with an unclean heart.  

On the other hand, a person who might not be performing the daily puja but has compassion towards other living beings, goes out of his way to help others, is not self centered and could be perhaps taking the Lord's name just once a day but with a clean heart and pure soul is bound to reach the Almighty. 

The presence of God in our day to day activities is as necessary as the breath we take and that can be achieved by performing all tasks selflessly and attributing it to the Lord and believing in Goodness towards another living soul which will in turn be our obeisance to God purely out of Love and not Fear.  

 

Need or Want ?

What is it that humans really 'need' for a living? Well, our basic school education usually mentions food, clothing and shelter to be our basic 'needs' for survival and truly; life would be so much simpler if we stuck to that.  However there is one very important factor without which even these basic needs cannot be met with. 'MONEY'!!! 

Thats where the entire equation changes. Even before we realize it, the mighty 'M' converts the NEEDS to WANTS. The basic needs that we strive to provide for our family soon extends to necessities and further to luxuries and thereafter there is no turning back. 

A young couple usually considers these three things before giving birth to their child, whether they can provide food, clothing and shelter to their new born child. A new born is sublimely happy feeding off its mother's milk, being sheltered in her arms and clothed with her love and care. Thats momentary though coz once the child grows up and is exposed to the ugly side of this materialistic world, everything changes. The parents 'feel the need' to provide the best for their child and unknowingly enter the 'trap' by 'wanting' the best for the child forgetting what it is that the child ' really needs'. 

The needs are gradually converted to wants and before the parents realize it, they start sacrificing the 'needs' of the child by exposing the child to materialistic things making it look like the child 'NEEDS' it. The child is soon deprived of the time, attention and love from the parents who are too busy fulfilling their increasing 'wants' with the thought that these 'wants' will make them 'happy' not realizing that in this bargain they have already lost a lot.

The struggle to earn more and more money to provide the best for the family pulls us all into this rat race and it becomes a never ending game. However one does not realize the damage it causes. Our wants increase and we dont even realize what is at stake. If I have to mention the stakes here, many might disagree and may have a different point of view however for me there are severe  'cons' to these 'wants'. We lose out on not one by many important factors, that is 'TIME', 'RELATIONS', 'HEALTH', 'PEACE' and eventually .... 'LIFE'!!! 

Most of us dont even realize that anything is at stake till its too late. Money plays such an important role in our lives that we strife all through our lives only to earn money making it the most important factor in our life. I have been witnessing chats on whatsapp groups discussing stocks and business talks only to earn more and more money. Is that all thats left in our lives? MONEY TALK? Friendships are built for material gains and relations sustain only where one is benefitted by monetary or material gains. 

Where have the emotions gone? Isn't there any compassion left amongst humans? Isn't there any other discussion besides talking about money? I will not say money is not necessary. It most definitely is. However we all need a reality check of our life where one needs to understand and identify the difference between 'WANTS' and 'NEEDS'. Although I agree how much one wants and needs is a relative concept, the wants are always seen to been superseding the needs and the one who would disagree with this will always have a strong reason for an argument. 

One might be having a comfortable lifestyle however his greed for wanting more never ceases. For eg. owning an average car could be a necessity however the 'want' of a high end car like probably a Mercedes, BMW or an Audi is a greed for wanting more. One shelter is never sufficient and the 'want' for more and more properties or assets is always the greed with the excuse for creating a security for the future. However one fails to understand that what goes into creating that security is always at a cost. For that, one is willing to compromise and sacrifice quality time with their family and friends, get their health affected by putting in extra hours at work, destroying their peace of mind and in general seeing to it that they make that extra million. What for??? 

The problem that we humans face is that we are never 'satisfied' and always in need of more not knowing or understanding if we really 'NEED' it or no. The greed of wanting more never ceases and the vicious circle continues, thereby sacrificing ones quality of Life. 

However we fail to understand that one day we all have to leave everything behind and exit from this world without taking any of the worldly belongings with us. All the money and the material luxuries bought by us in this lifetime by sacrificing the 'ULTIMATE HAPPINESS' will all be left behind in this material world. So do we really need to sacrifice our 'true happiness' and run behind these worldly possessions knowing that its all going to go away from us? It will all vanish ... in one ppoofff !!! 

However there is one thing which we can take away with us and which will help us in our next birth. Thats our 'KARMA'!!! A good deed always comes back. Be a good Human, do good to all!!! It never fails! This is one investment that goes with us and is returned to us with interest. 

Many have this misconception that merely by not consuming non veg in their lifetime or abstaining from alcohol, gambling or EMA, entitles them to be a GOOD HUMAN!!! However  they fail to admit thats not enough. The only reason for their reluctance to admit this is that they are extremely selfish and self-centered people who cannot think about anybody but themselves. It is not easy for them to think beyond themselves and be selfless. 

A Good Human needs to have compassion towards all not just animals whom they refrain from eating. A vegetarian might want to prove that he is compassionate by not eating animals however he will not care about hurting the feelings of another human being. Would that lack of compassion not count? The hurt caused to the soul is far more grievous than that caused to the body. The equation changes when a good deed is not extended to all living creatures equally.   

The investment of a Good deed yields the highest returns as this investment is carried forward in our next birth.  All we need to take with us are good deeds that make us into better humans in our next birth. Our 'Karma' is what will give us happiness till we are freed of this vicious circle of life and death and merge with the Almighty forever. However, while struggling to make ourselves superficially happy by fulfilling our 'wants' we forget the real necessities required to make our life better, thats Love, Compassion and Care towards other beings. Thats all we need.... To be a Better Human!!! 

Why do we wait???

Why do we wait??? 

Does it take a 'death' to express our feelings? Don't we take people for granted? We don't know how far we are from our last breath. Neither do we know if the person across is going to be alive the next second. Death comes unannounced and sweeps us off our feet. 

Every death of a near and dear one makes me want to remind everybody that Life is too short. There is no point withholding your feelings to yourself. I believe in expressing myself and have been conveying my feelings to the ones who matter to me either by words or deeds. However there are a whole lot of people out there who regret for not having expressed their feelings to the ones who matter and before they know, they have lost them forever.

Over the years we live under this suspense of do we really matter to someone or no? Are we that important in anybody's life that we will be missed once we are gone? All the doubts  and uncertainties leading to  suspicions and misunderstandings. Wouldn't they just vanish if we just talk it out and express ourselves with the faith in our relationship that we will not be misunderstood? 

The bottom line is faith and trust in the relationship. If the relation matters to you then the risk is worth taking if one is skeptical of expressing and letting their hearts out. 

If we don't have the heart to say good things to a person while he/ahe is alive then there is no point expressing grief on their death bed.

The realization that hits thereafter is heart wrenching. Memories with the lost one resurface and then surges the desire to express the loss. However the one who would have loved to know what he/she meant to you will never know as its too late to express. The only ones who get to hear your feelings are the ones to whom it does not matter.

So is it worth waiting? Why do we wait to express our feelings to the ones who matter? That's something I've yet not understood. 

If a person matters to you go right ahead and express your feelings towards that person coz life is unpredictable. Nobody can assure that they are going to be there the next moment. You wouldn't want to regret to express yourself while the person was alive right? 

 

Is  it worth not expressing at the right time? So what are you waiting for?