Flowers ... The natural Healers!

For some it might seem to be a waste of money and for some it might just not matter. However a few do appreciate and value the gift of nature. I do!!! I appreciate the gift bestowed upon us by God. Flowers !!! They not only bring joy to our lives but add colour, positivity and also work as natural healers.

 I am one of those who does not appreciate receiving or even gifting formal bouquets given at weddings, engagements or any such celebration where bouquets are gifted as a formality. However, the same bouquet means so much more to me when gifted otherwise, on a personal level.

So is it the occassion that matters or is it the expression of an individual's feelings on a particular occassion that makes the difference? It is most definitely the feelings that matter. Gifting a  bouquet of flowers might not mean anything more than a formality to someone, as gifting flowers could be an easy way out instead of hunting for a gift. However for some, gifting a single flower could speak volumes, without uttering a word. 

 A bunch of flowers or just one flower from the one who genuinely cares could make a huge difference to the day when one is feeling low. The feeling of care, affection, empathy and even love can be easily conveyed through the gesture of gifting flowers. Flowers are blessed with the power to heal. To make a dull day brighter. A lot of feelings can be expressed if one is not good with words. 

In my recent experience, my neice got a bunch of flowers when the days were not bright and sunny for my family. The sight of the flowers brought an instant smile on my face enough to brighten up my day. 

So the ones who think that flowers don't matter, you really need to reconsider. Coz they do. Do not underestimate their magical powers that bring in positivity, joy and smiles in our life. 

Case 5 - Twice bitten, thrice NOT shy!

The name sounded familiar. A little bit of retracing brought back vague memories. After rummaging through my files and folders, I found what I was looking for. 

Flashback... Circa 2014, he had approached us for Divorce by mutual consent. Since it was a mutual agreement, the ugly intricacies were not discussed and we came straight to the point. While gathering information on his matter, I was alarmed to note that she had not cohabited with him for more than 15 days. It was a lovey dovey marriage as they had married especially on 14th February 2014, Valentine's Day! What an Irony!!! 

She had returned to her parental home in less than 15 days in February 2014. Although I was curious to know what had transpired in that brief period, the Lawyer in me warned me not to get too personal and the reason for the breakup was not discussed. The Petition was filed after the completion of one year of marriage and the divorce was granted in 2015.  

Circa 2019... He returned !!! He had remarried sometime in 2015 which was immediately after his 1st divorce. This time it was a contested matter. The marriage was an arranged marriage which had barely lasted for 4 years. Both were well-educated however they both had a lot of dirty linen to wash. Allegations were flung at each other as both had something nasty to say about each other and both were not willing to compromise or adjust.  They had declared that they were just not meant to be together and neither were they interested in reconciliation. After a brief trial the matter was converted and following a few exchanges the matter was mutually dissolved sometime in 2021. 

2024 ... He was back. It had been 3 years since his 2nd Divorce and he was back with a 3rd failed marriage. I am curious to know what brings him back to us for the 3rd time in a span of 10 years. Was he the problem in their relationship? Was there something wrong in/with him or was he just plain unlucky ? I am merely contemplating but I couldn't resist thinking of the possibilities.  

What surprised me was, after having failed twice in a marriage he was still raring to go and was once again willing to approach the Court for reliefs. Was he just too optimistic as he was not reluctant to engage in a similar situation. Even the current wife took me by surprise wondering if she even did a background check before getting married to 2 times Divorcee.

I have known couples celebrating 50 years of marriage however that was the generation my parents belonged to. What has changed? Is it the trust factor or the love and respect towards each other or the level of understanding, compromise and adjustment which is glaringly on the decline. Is this the end of the Institution of marriage?

Wonder what criteria are seen by couples of this generation before entering matrimony. Be it a love marriage or an arranged one... what is it that takes for a marriage to work for this generation? It is seriously a matter of concern.

The future generation is unsure, unaware and incapable of handling the financial responsibility, emotional support required, home management besides social responsibilities that are involved post marriage. Neither are they emotionally capable of handling sensitive issues. The honeymoon period 24x7 chats drastically reduce to no communication which translates to misunderstandings.

Looking at the current scenario if this is the situation we are in,  then it would not be wrong to say that this generation is not ready for marriage and they will NEVER be ready with a rigid mindset. 

They need to be flexible and prepared for the commitments and adjustments involved and evaluate their feelings. It is necessary for them to accept the fact that it is not love or respect that is driving them to consider marriage with their counterpart. They need to understand what is love in the first place. 

I personally feel that they either need to go for pre-marital counselling or do not get married till they are ready, for they will not only destroy the life of the other person but also their respective families. 

 

Case - 4 - Puppy Love !

This one bothered me big time considering both were as old as my son. The couple had met in college, 'fell in love' or so they liked to believe. Upon evaluating the relationships that I've seen up close and personal, I have my doubts if people know what it means to 'love' someone. Although this has nothing to do with age. I know several men and women married for decades 'claiming' to be in love with their spouse but let's not digress from the subject here. 

All of 23 at present, she had come to get her marriage dissolved mutually with her husband of the same age after being married for a year. Why did they have to marry at such a young age I wondered. My most obvious doubt was put to rest when I found that it was nothing to do with pregnancy.

However, I just could not imagine them getting married at 22 when my kids are still studying.  What about financial security, emotional maturity I wondered. Since the marriage was to be dissolved mutually, the only intimate details shared were that he would abuse her physically. The  abuse went to the extent that she had to be admitted in the hospital.  It was then that her family found out about the abuse and decided to call it off. She had no qualms about ending the marriage after having suffered emotionally and physically at the hands of the man she claimed to have been in love a year ago.

I have witnessed several cases where the claims made by college goers about falling in love is nothing but plain attraction towards the opposite sex only to be regretted later. 'Puppy Love' is what it is. Although the ones still married might disagree to this but that would possibly be their adjustment, commitment or plain tolerance.

How I wish kids realize the difference between attraction and love before even thinking of getting married. Go around.. understand each other (however I'm not promoting Live-ins here)  and only if you are willing to stand reach others erratic behaviour and tantrums for a life time... get married. 

Well, the time span to really get to know each other does differ from case to case. It takes years to know someone however it also depends on the kind of situations and circumstances you have faced together, after exposing your 'true' self to your partner and after being exposed, if you are willing to accept each other the way you are... forever. That matters. 

After falling prey to the physical appearance, one needs to evaluate if they are willing to accept the partner with all the flaws and live with those flaws happily throughout their life.

Live-ins have become the most convenient arrangement.  No commitments required. An easy way out after having consumed each other physically if not mentally.  This is all that's left in relationships these days. Now a days more than emotional compatibility,  couples prefer checking their physical compatibilty which has led to the decline of successful marriages.

All said and done,  there is most definitely a decline in the duration of successful marriages. The number of break ups ... multiple partners... trials conducted with the concept of live-ins has deteriorated the piousness of the institution called 'marriage'. Hope better sense prevails upon this generation. 

Before proclaiming "I'm in love" they need to ask themselves...

"Is this love?" 

Case 3 - Now, the time to LIVE!

 

An elderly figure walked in. I had been expecting him to come as he had taken an appointment a few days ago. These days the greys are no indication of the age however the fine creases near his eyes and lips gave away his age. He was more than 60 years old. As he brought out the series of questions before me, I happened to ask him about his children for whom I presumed he had been asking these questions.

Upon probing, I figured he had two children, a son and a daughter, both married. He started talking about his children and how much he loved them. I could see he was a concerned father and obviously anxious about his children. As I tried to probe further, he mentioned something strange. He said both his kids were ‘happily’ married.

As realization struck, there was a knock on the door and a woman of about the same age as the gentleman, walked in. I was introduced to his wife!

As they sat in front of me, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the couple. After having lived more than half their life together, they were on the threshold of separation. Why, I wondered! They had decided to part ways amicably hence there were no allegations, concocted stories, mudslinging from either side.  

Nevertheless, I was curious to know how a marriage of about 35 years had crumbled. As I got them talking, she revealed that they had been in the marriage for all these years only for the sake of their children. Now that the children were married, they wanted to live the rest of their life in peace.

It was then that he started talking. Theirs was a love marriage. After marriage they could not see eye to eye coz as lovers, they were both oblivious to each other’s flaws. However, now that they were married, he could not stand her dominance in every aspect of life, and she could not accept his care-a-damn attitude. She expected him to follow her dictates however he was not willing to dance to her tunes. Both were extremely head-strong individuals and had climbed high up the corporate ladder.

Once the children were born, they both took good care of them however throughout this period they were both trying to adjust, compromise and tolerate each other for the sake of their children. They led an affluent lifestyle and had provided the children with all the luxuries. Now that both their children were married and settled, they wanted to live a life of their own, for themselves. 

But ...'without' each other! In Peace!

I looked at the couple who were sitting like strangers to each other. Not a single emotion crossed their faces, as they were composed and firm on their decision. There was no point trying to make them reconsider their decision. 

The decision was made years ago, now it was time to implement it since they no longer shared a common responsibility. It was now the time to LIVE! 

Pondering Reflections - No.2

 

“Tu jaa”.....”Tu jaa” … the tone was authorative and firm enough to catch my attention and for me to turn around to check out the source of the dominating voice. A young girl in her late twenties was admonishing a boy about the same age who apparently seemed to be her boyfriend, asking him to go away. Prima facie it looked as though the young couple was having a lovers tiff.

 I happened to overhear a part of the conversation which partly revealed that the boy had not been able to meet her at a fixed time. The boy was apparently trying to cajole the girl who was acting too pricey. From the looks of it, the young lad was apologetic and was trying to explain that he was held up at work but the girl was being adamant and refused to listen to him. The young boy was extremely patient and tried his level best to make her understand however the girl was not willing to let go and remained firm on her stand behaving quite haughtily. 

Finally, he said, "Ye tu theek nahi kar rahi." It was apparent that he did not appreciate her behavior but was giving in to her tantrums out of 'love'. I half expected him to walk away after being treated in this manner but to my dismay he didn't. But the worst was yet to come. 

The girl got up and strode off, knowing very well that the boy is going to follow her. As she snootily walked away, I was appalled to see the boy who had resented her behavior a few minutes ago, running behind her like a puppy wagging his tail. 

It was evident that the girl was in the commanding position in their relationship. She was very well aware that her anger will get the boy spinning around her and so he did. How I wished he didn't !!!

I let my thoughts wander and fast forwarded their life. If they were to get married in a few years,  the girl is bound to continue to twist the boy around her little finger and have him dancing to her tunes. He might do so for some years as he is in the so called 'love' mode.  However, for how long will he be able to tolerate her  tantrums and her dominating behaviour ??? No man with some amount of self respect will tolerate this behaviour. My experience tells me that such tantrums cannot be tolerated for a longer period by a man having some dignity. 

Both would be happy in the relationship only if they truly loved each other. But do they even know what 'real' love is like, I wondered!

The commanding nature of the girl clearly indicates that she never loved the boy however she was basking in his attention and enjoying making him follow her dictates.  Incase the marriage sustains,  it will only be a compromise and an obligation on the part of the young boy who unfortunately believes this to be 'love'. 

Hoping that better sense prevails the young lad before it's too late, I halted my contemplations only to ponder over something else. 

Pondering Reflections - No.1

As I walked down the familiar stretch sensing the usual annoying happenings around, I couldn't help but visualise 'cockroaches'!!!

The disgusting, repulsive, abhorrent, loathsome creatures had taken a human form in front of me as they ran helter skelter towards me, by my sides, even behind me, jostling each other, or even walking as though the others did not exist. 

 I was at the railway station attempting to cross the 1 minute stretch which easily takes about 5 minutes for me everyday. Yeah, every minute is precious when you have to take a specific train to reach on time which is extremely important for me. I would have been able to take my train had it not been for these irritating creatures lacking basic civic sense. 

Being methodical myself, I am adherent to a disciplined lifestyle and any amount of indiscipline or incivility annoys me. Why couldn't these cockroaches be more like the ants I thought. Have you ever seen a colony of ants travel from one place to the other??? They always walk one behind the other in a disciplined line. Why can't these cockroaches learn to be more disciplined and imbibe some civic sense? Some never change and will never grow as they do not see it as a possibility not only to improve individually but also as a social responsibility towards the society. 

As I was descending the stairs, I saw one cockroach fast approaching me as though I did not exist. It was a close shave as I nearly managed to escape from colliding into him. No sooner did I heave a sigh of relief, in a brief moment, I saw that there were about 5-6 more cockroaches who were heading towards me. Once again, I managed to step aside in order to avoid a stampede. After being shoved around, and recovering from the fact that I could have easily tumbled down the stairs, I finally managed to reach the platform only to see that I had missed my train ! 

An identical situation is seen on the roads. Drivers going on a rampant spree, driving recklessly on a road full of vehicles is a daily sore sight. We have no traffic discipline in India. Be it a highly qualified person driving his vehicle or an uneducated person, the outcome is the same. Education has no role to play. All that was taught in school goes down the drain. The sufferers are the handful who are disciplined, following the rules and maintaining civic sense. However, being in the minority we are incapable of changing the system.

 Looks like these poor underprivileged folks had not been to school coz' as far as I recall, we have been taught the basic discipline that while descending the steps, a person is on the left of the stairs and the ones ascending are on the right. While ascending the stairs the person is on the left side of the stairs and the person descending is on your right... however, in a straight line! Well, isn't that basic? Am I expecting a bit too much of civility from them? 

Just the other day I happened to come across a video somewhere in Japan or China where I could see discipline embedded in almost every individual. Be it in a crowded street or on the ecsalator or even entering the trains, the kind of discipline they have is incomparable. It is impossible to expect that from Indians. Changing the system might take centuries or might never happen and from what I see, situation is worsening day by day and to our disgrace, education these days has no role to play where civic sense is considered in Indians.

Passion Hunt !!!

“What is it that you are passionate about?” 

This is a question that has been posed to me several times by my buddies, during our intimate discussions. However, I have not really answered that question and to my astonishment, not even to myself!

 Oxford says that ‘Passion’ is a very strong feeling, especially of Love, Hate or Anger. Well, my greys have given me the opportunity to experience all these emotions very strongly! However, besides love (only the romantic, ‘conditional’ one), the rest do not qualify as ‘passion’ for me.

Passion is also a value that holds significant meaning to you, or an activity that you enjoy doing. Going by that theory too, it is difficult for me to pinpoint any one ‘passion’ that I pursue. Being a Jack of all trades, I’ve dabbled in writing, dancing, singing, anchoring, painting, modelling, organizing events and acting, too. However, despite this exhaustive list, none of these activities could qualify as my ‘passion’. 

Some people are so sorted that they don’t need to rack their brains while talking about their passion. Pat comes the reply, and I’m amazed so see how defined their thought process is. Some common answers I came across were cooking, gardening, gymming, dancing and singing, to name a few. However, I still could not zero down to even one activity I am passionate about!

Passion being a very intense emotion, I realized there’s one thing that builds a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something in me. Voila! I found my Passion (or so I thought) - it’s building Relationships!!! Romance comes first to my mind, but it’s not only the romantic relationship that I’m talking about. I would sum up all relationships in general. It could be a relation with an old school friend, or an attachment to a classmate who I didn’t even know in college, but has now turned into a Soulmate! 

It could be my cousins, with whom I’ve spent my childhood, or even long-lost cousins whom I’ve met after decades. Also, my immediate family or my extended family of relatives and friends, and even my community on the whole! Is connecting with my friends, relatives, and all those acquainted with me, my passion?? Or am I just deriving false pleasures out of the relationships I'm attempting to build? 

Technology has been a blessing, and I’m happy to have utilized it to the fullest. It all began with the social platform ‘Orkut’, where I met some of my old school and college classmates. I couldn't call them friends, because that’s not what they were back then. They were just classmates, but thanks to these social networking platforms which helped me build relations, they have now become ‘friends’ in the true sense. This has got me going, to connect with more and more classmates, acquaintances, long-lost relatives, etc. 

It was an addiction, but again - can I call it my ‘passion’? 

Is bringing everybody together my passion?

From being instrumental in gathering a handful of school friends to create a group which has now crossed over a hundred, to creating groups with my cousins and extended family (not only on my maternal side but my in-laws as well), and from gathering friends from my neighborhood, to the community I was born in - The Pathare Prabhu clan, I have done it all! 

The reason? It just ‘feels good’!

I feel elated with the sense of belonging. The camaraderie shared amongst the group members, gives me an adrenaline rush. My soul feels happy, and I’m filled with a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. 

Perhaps this has got something to do with my past life…

However, this happiness is not consistent. Seeing most of them not reciprocating my feelings, some even being averse to the thought of connecting with their peers, relatives, community folks etc., and even those who prefer being reticent and choosing not to interact with or get associated with others, preferring isolation instead, deflates my enthusiasm to continue. The reasons for their indifference and detachment remains unknown. 

This flip side deters me, and then I begin to wonder whether it is even worth the effort! 

As I said, not all relationships are reciprocated in the expected manner. People do not take the other at face value. Suspicions, jealousy, hatred, being judgmental, assumptions etc., are all instrumental in hindering the culmination of a beautiful relationship. Lack of interest shown by the other in developing a bond, limits and restricts the passion within, which eventually leads to disappointment and failure to build a good relationship. And, a good relationship can never be one-sided. This does not serve my purpose of getting people together, and attempting to develop a bonding between them and building a healthy, harmonious society. This thought itself is far-fetched, and more of a dream. 

Unbelievable and impossible, nothing short of a fantasy!

The realization dawned on me, that I’ve been living in a fantasy world and in love with my dreams. No wonder, they seemed so perfect and surreal!  

So, does it mean I’m passionate about my Dreams? 

Well, I’m still trying to find the answer to the question, “What is it that you are passionate about?”!!!

Case 2 - Shattered Dreams !

She was evidently struggling for words as I sat across her, waiting patiently for her to start speaking. She was probably trying to recollect all that she had rehearsed on her way here, finding the right words. In the interim, the tear-stained face was doing all the talking. I mechanically handed over a glass of water to calm her. With trembling hands, she took hold of the glass taking sips while the brain was still working on how to express. 

Realizing she had undergone tremendous mental trauma, I tried to make her comfortable by explaining that we have come across worst experiences. So, she need not hesitate and encouraged her to speak her heart out. She finally got a grip of herself and then the saga unfolded. 

It was a love marriage and she was no more than 25. She had met him through a common friend at a party. It was an instant connect and she was blinded by his sheer persona. She had been smitten by his charm and found him to be extremely caring and attentive towards her. He was studying in the US and had come down for a vacation. He was to return in a fortnight to complete his education following which he would be taking up a job. 

Mobile numbers were exchanged and lo and behold !!!.... from the very next day, they had started dating. Now, that was too soon I said to myself. Perhaps it is the generation leap I have yet to come to terms with I thought. A fortnight later he left for US and their communication was only through whatsapp chats and video calls. He graduated and got a job. The romantic exchange of words continued over audio video phone calls.

Within a year of knowing each other he had proposed to her, and she jumped at the thought of marrying the one who had swept her off her feet.  As she lovingly (still) showed me his photograph I realized what had got her attracted to him. Yes,  he was all of good looks, good looks and good looks!!! 

One look at her face and she was still admiring him with a forlorn look in her eyes. She had still not come to terms that it was all over between them. 

I had to bring her back to the present and the story unfolded.... With the consent of both sides of the family they had got married in the fanciest weddings ever. It was a destination wedding; and the families had generously arranged the most lavish weddings with the mehendi, cocktail party, wedding,  reception, et al. The middle-class strata could probably run their monthly expenses out of the cost of their one wedding card. Such was the grandeur!

She left with him for US, looking forward to a romantic married life with the man of her dreams. However, within a few days of marriage, all her dreams were shattered. Within a couple of days,  she noticed that he was spending a lot of time with his friends drinking, leaving her alone at home. She was scared being alone in a massive house as it was her first time staying all alone in a foreign country. 

He continued with the lifestyle he had lived prior to their marriage. She observed that he would often answer calls secretly and speak only after going away from her. She had ignored this behavior in the initial days but as this became a routine, it had raised alarm bells. Was there another woman in his life was the first thought that came to her mind. 

He was clearly hiding something from her. He would spend exceptionally long hours in the washroom and would not even reply when she would knock on the door out of concern. Once when he did not get out of the wash room for long, she had got frantic and started banging on the washroom door. She saw that he was furious as he opened the door.

Still, she gathered courage and asked him the reason for the long hours in the washroom. But he in turn got extremely violent and slapped her hard across her face.  She was stunned with the sudden blow. Not expecting him to react in this manner. She knew he was hiding something in the bathroom and tried to peep but he caught hold of her arm and literally dragged her away. His anger was uncontrollable as he kicked her in her stomach with his knee. She was left with black and blue marks on her arms, immense pain in her stomach and her cheek which was stinging with the hard blow.

The following night she thought she could win him over and pacify him with love. She tried to get intimate with him and attempted to make him understand that they were now married, and he should be spending time with her. This was it!!! He was not used to being told what to do. He wanted to live life his way. Thereafter the nightmare began as he shoved her roughly on the bed and demanded unnatural sex. When she refused, he once again slapped her across her face, pinned her arms and forced himself on her. There was no love in that act, it was an animal act!!! She was shaken, petrified of the man she loved.

Then came the revelation as he rolled out the joint from a pouch which was well hidden and smoked up. She sat there weeping inconsolably with the unbearable pain from his inhuman behavior. He then jabbed the butt of his cigarette on her thighs before he went for her once again. She was being sexually assaulted! He was an Animal !!! 

She was clearly terror stricken as she recalled this incident. The tears were now unashamedly flowing down the cheeks. She had started dreading when he would return home at night as this had become a regular practice for him. There was no love in his actions as every night he would come home in an intoxicated state and force himself on her. The act was so painful that she had bruises all over her private parts. If she would try to talk or discuss this with him, he would get furious, and she would have to face the aftermath every night. He had warned her not to tell this to anyone and this torture continued for almost a fortnight before she could gather guts and convey her condition to her parents. 

They were only in the 2nd month of marriage and hence she had been avoiding sharing this with her family members with the hope that he would change. But then the mental, physical and sexual torture was too much to bear. He was not only an alcoholic but also a drug addict and she could not bear to live with such a man under the same roof. The good looks did not matter now. All she could see was the demon within. Her dream of a happy married life had already been shattered. With the help of her parents she had returned to India, trying to find a way out of this abusive relationship.

Case 1 - He needed to break free !!!

After hearing his side of the story, I calmly wondered if he had something more to say. Something that would make me feel that he still wanted her in his life as the marriage was just about 2 years old. Honestly, at that point of time I was hoping that a reconciliation would work but the look in his eyes said it all. There was a dull sadness in his eyes and as he shared the details of his traumatic life, I could not agree any less that he would be better off without her. 

It was a major mistake on his part and now he had to pay the price for it. It had been the typical love at first sight for them both and they claimed to be madly in love with each other. Anybody else did not feature in his life as his world revolved only around her. The sweet 17-year-olds had been too daft to believe they had found the love of their life. I said to myself, "Obviously, it was mere attraction you fool." However, I kept that to myself as I was all ears to know what made him realize that it was not love in the first place. But one thing was certain... the once upon a time fairy tale romance was up for wraps.

They had been courting for a good 7 years before they decided to tie the knot. Following their marriage, the initial few days was the honeymoon period where they enjoyed their newly married life. But the honeymoon period waned off pretty soon as there was nothing more to discover about each other 'outwardly' as they had supposedly 'known' each other for 7 years. However, they were yet to discover the 'real' person they had married.

The problems started once they started with the daily routine. Throughout their courtship period she had gotten used to his complete attention. He had been prioritizing her over his family, friends, relatives. Back then he would make excuses to meet her and was at her beck and call. He was so as to say 'in love' with her and wanted to spend his entire time with her. However, now that she was living with him and his family members, she wanted him for herself alone. She wanted his complete attention and was not willing to share him with anybody else. He became an obsession for her, and she started throwing tantrums if he would spend time with his family or friends. 

Inorder to avoid the disharmony in the matrimonial home, he gave in and started following her dictates so that she does not get angry and make life miserable for him. He found this to be an easy way out. He stopped meeting his friends and distanced himself from his family and relatives with the belief that she loved him immensely and hence she was not willing to allow him to share his time with anyone else. 

She started imposing restrictions on whom he should meet, whom he should talk, whom he should spend his time with. Initially he agreed, trying to keep her happy as she had claimed to be in love with him and had married him. He was obliged. Well, I tried not to react to that and kept a straight face. Ok... so he felt he was obliged to her for whatever reasons and hence he had borne her dominant nature for those 2 years of married life. 

He then tried to justify his love for her by claiming that she has been a good housewife. She has been taking care of the house besides doing very well in her career as she was climbing the corporate ladder swiftly. She was bringing in the money at par with him and dictated terms enough to have the final word. He was realizing that the girl he had fallen in love with was not the one who was trying to make him dance to her tunes. 

She started to pick up quarrels on petty issues. His mobile phones used to be monitored. The woman did not even have the decency or manners not to check his friends' group messages. His phone would practically be in her hands most of the time. If he had to attend even an official dinner, she would call him every hour to check up on him if he had left for home. Eventually he started attending as a formality but would leave immediately before she called. He was not permitted to meet his friends as she would not like to see him spending time with others besides her. Eventually he had to find excuses to refuse meeting his friends. She had one condition though. He was allowed to meet his friends only if 'she' was invited and where she wasn't invited, she would make it a point to go uninvited if he desired to go. She was playing with him emotionally, but he did not know that these were the signs of an extremely insecure person. She demanded his exclusive attention ... clearly an attention seeker. She was having psychological issues. 

She was a Narcissist!!! 

But these things did not come to light when everything seems hunky dory in college. He had enjoyed and was basking in the attention he was receiving from her. Initially he had believed this to be love, thinking that she did not want to spend a single moment without him. However, this behavior was soon becoming toxic. She was becoming toxic in his life. He felt suffocated with her constant scrutiny and follow ups. She was being over possessive beyond reason. The girl whom he had fallen in love with did not exist anymore coz he had not seen this side of her back then. Although a person changes as per the role they play in different situations, the nature of a person does not change. 

He needed peace in his life. He realized that he cannot continue to live with a person who is so imposing, dominating and self-obsessed. Even if he considered giving their marriage another chance, it was unlikely that a person who is so self-obsessed would change her behavior. She was sick. She needed to get over herself and learn to respect him. If she claimed to love him, she ought to respect his choices, his decision and moreover set him free. She needed to give him space for him to respect and fall in love with her once again. 

However, he was determined to get rid of the woman he once claimed to be deeply in love with and be set free.  

He could not live with such a woman and ruin the rest of his life. 

He had made up his mind. 

He needed to get his space.

He needed to break free!!!

If only wishes were horses...

Five years was all that I had with him. The loving, kind hearted, progressive, intelligent, dedicated brilliant writer and orator left an ever lasting impression on my mind forever.  He was my 'Daddy' or so to say my father in law. 

Deepak's Daddy became Daddy to a 19 year old since 1993 when I entered this household. Never did I feel that he is just Deepak's Daddy as I was pampered no less than Deepak.

Soon after we got engaged, Daddy had a new zest in him as he enthusiatically officially launched the Youth Wing named 'Yuva Manch' as the cultural platform for our community youngsters under our institution Prabhu Tarun which is a monthly newsletter. Daddy was the Editor of our newsletter having been bestowed with rave reviews and appreciation from the likes of P.L. Deshpande who had acknowledged Daddy's writing skills after reading the book '25 वर्षा पूर्वीचे गिरगांव आणि इतर' which was written by Daddy.

I had been actively involved in organising events, dance, sketching besides my other hobbies since childhood but acting was something I had never aspired for.  However Daddy said he saw a spark in me (which till date I haven't been able to discover myself) and decided to introduce me to our community by casting me in a play.

It was Daddy who gave me my very first play and launched me in the lead role of 'Rashmi' a character from the well known Marathi play 'Lagnachi Bedi'. It was my very first opportunity to act in any play as I had never ever participated even in school plays. I was extremely nervous but Daddy was confident about me.  And yes, he was right.  The play was a super success and the timid little 19 year old Minoti Kothare became a known name over night by the name Sanjana Kothare.

Daddy was not only a tee totaller, he had no other vice, hence a cigarette was a foreign particle in our house. However since my character in the play demanded that I smoke on stage, Daddy had actually permitted me to practice smoking. Deepak bought the mildest cigarette for me and I practiced how to light and smoke a cigarette at home. This is how comfortable Daddy made me feel and I developed a strong rapport with him which has lasted a lifetime.

Daddy left too soon. Even after 25 years Deepak and me still reminisce fond memories of Daddy and also visualise his last days. Its like a video being replayed over and over again till date. 

He was loved by all. During his last days he was surrounded by everyone who loved him a lot. Our then Hon'ble Minister Late Mr. Pramod Navalkar would come to visit him every now and then despite of his busy schedule and spend hours with him.  Not to forget Daddy's long time friend, the noted actor late Mr.Vihang Nayak who would come to spend time with him even after his late night shoots or plays.  Even our then Chief Minister Hon'ble Mr. Manohar Joshi had paid him a visit a day before his demise. Such was the love and adulation commanded by Daddy.

6th September 1998 Daddy left us but he is sorely missed till date. Daddy had a command over the Marathi language and was passionate about our Newsletter Prabhu Tarun. As a tribute to Daddy's immense contribution towards our Pathare Prabhu community, Deepak and me are trying our level best to preserve Daddy's accomplishment in the literary world as a legacy. He will be alive in our hearts forever.

Its been 25 years since he left us on this day and I just could not help not thinking and writing about him. Daddy ought to know that he did not have just one son but he also had a daughter who still loves him as much as a daughter. 

Deepak and me have been missing Daddy and remembering him every now and then throughout these 25 years. But how I wished Daddy was around to groom our children and shower them with the love of a paternal grandfather whom they never got to know.  How I wish Daddy did not leave us so soon. How I wish Daddy was there for us when we needed him the most. How I wish Deepak and Me were not left alone at an age when we needed a father figure over us. If only wishes were horses...

Miss you Daddy.

On the threshold!

As I was looking back over the years last night, it was a surge of emotions. The greys reminded me how time has flown. Another year gone by and the realisation that time is running out. Yes,  it's a day to celebrate for sure. Despite knowing what the Bhagvad Gita has to say about our soul being sent to earth as an atonement of our sins, I still feel blessed to be born and given this human life. 

Yeah, I agree life has not been a cake walk. Infact it has been a massive roller coaster ride so far... but that's what 'Life' is.😊  But as I was reminiscing what had gone by, I could only see the blessings Life has bestowed upon me. I would have missed the beautiful nature God has created, our 5 major senses due to which we are able to enjoy this life, our emotions, our memory,  intelligence and much more which is  given by God in so much abundance that its only gratitude what I feel for him. He has made life so meaningful, beautiful and enjoyable. 

I have come across such wonderful people throughout this beautiful path. Although I will not want to name them here, I am sure they will know whom I'm talking about. The ones who are a part of my day to day to life, you all are so special and important to me that I don't want to imagine my life without you. You have made my life sooooo beautiful that I cherish and look forward to sharing many more happy moments with you. 🤗

God has taken care, protected and showered me with abundant love in the form of my parents, my husband and my children. Stood by me in the form of my brothers and my besties who are nothing but Family to me having helped me withstand all hurdles in life. My lifeboat has managed to sustain all storms due to these anchors in my life and I need you all to know how much I cherish your existence in my life. 🤗

All through these years God has put me in several situations which has exposed the multiple toxic elements whom I needed to eliminate from my life so as to reduce the deep plunges in the graph of my life. And yes, it's been a blessing in disguise. Despite all this, I still maintain God had been kind and generous to me throughout the 49 years of my life. 🙏

Today as I stand on the threshold of my landmark Birthday, I would like to make it memorable for the upcoming year and the rest of my life. Have lots to say but would like to save it for the next year. (Hopefully I should be around by then.) 😉

I have managed to live these 49 years of my life to the fullest thanks not only to God but thanks to that angel which was sent by him on earth to take care of me in his place ... Deepak.😘 Its only coz of him that I was able to tick mark most of the things on my bucket list for this life.  Although a few more things are still pending on my Bucket list, by the grace of God will try to tick mark those in this birth before moving on further in my journey of salvation. 

I take this opportunity to thank all you wonderful people in my life who are taking time out to read this. The ones who have stood by me through thick and thin and also the ones who have taught me that Life is not a bed a roses and that I will need to deal with the thorns too. 

Life is beautiful hence I choose to eliminate negativity from my life and proceed on my journey with the selected few who will be a part of the rest of my life as you make my life happy, contended, peaceful and worth every breath I take. Looking forward to the upcoming year and many more years to come with my chosen ones. 🤗

The Toast !

Dear Aai Daddy,

We would have been planning a grand celebration this year. To celebrate the beginning of our existence in this world as a family. The day you both united as a couple 50 years ago. 18th May 1973, the day we have been celebrating for the past 47 years. 

The 50th year celebration planning would have begun a year in advance. But since we are not fortunate enough to do that, you and Aai deserve atleast a toast to honour this day. 

Had Aai still been with us here, my toast would have been different but nevertheless here goes....

These 50 years have not been a cakewalk for sure but what touches me most is the way you both made it work. It has not only taken adjustments and compromises on both ends but a lot of understanding,  love and respect towards each other. These virtues are more appreciated as they are not to be seen in the current generation which has resulted in a steep rise of Divorces.

As I reminisce our past,  it has truly been a beautiful journey for us as your children. Ẁe have been fortunate enough to have witnessed a beautiful childhood under your protective and loving care. God could not be present physically to take care of us but we could experience the presence of God through you both. 

Aai... I feel we were fortunate enough to have you as a homemaker and not a working woman. I feel incomplete myself as I'm unable to be with my children the way you had been for us although I'm struggling to strike a balance. 

You have been there for us when we needed you the most. We have been fortunate to have your magic touch to our daily meals. Can still remember the wonderful aroma that used to drift throughout the house when you would be in the kitchen. The Chicken or Mutton which used to be cooked only on Sundays in those days would make us feel hungry instantly. Not to forget the afternoon snacks of Waffles or the tikhat rawa with karandi. Our market visits also used to be fun as I would cling on to your arm whilst we walked through the crowded Malad streets. Every visit we would return with loads of goodies and it used to be an enjoyable visit even if it was to the market. 

Your hands on my forehead were the perfect healers when sick. Although your hands have been replaced by Deepak's and the kids, Aai you are sorely missed. Placing my head on your lap, or being cuddled by you would make me feel secure. You had given me so much of love,  care and security that I am bound to miss every minute of that throughout my life.

I have imbibed a lot from you as obviously every child does from their parents. Every child feels their parent is the best and I am no exception. But I am grateful to God for gifting us with you as our Aai and to the wonderful moments we have shared with you in the little time he gave us to be together. 

Daddy... I'm so proud to say that this soft spoken, hard working, meticulous, patient, practical, devoted, caring, disciplined and the most principled man is our Daddy, who is my pillar of strength. These adjectives are not for glorification or decoration but Daddy you are indeed all of the above.  Yes, I'm your little girl till date and I will hold on to your little finger forever.

I so look upto you for being the way you are Daddy. I wish I could have been so meticulous and disciplined the way you are in every field of life. You have spent your entire life working for us to make life so easy and beautiful for us. Appreciate the way you are so dedicated to your work and are still working when most of the people your age are relaxing and enjoying their retired life. Kudos to you. 

Throughout my childhood, I don't recollect any incident where I had longed for something and I was not given. I did not have to ask anything from you as everything was provided to me even before I could think of asking. This habit has grown on me and continues even now. I don't like to ask anything from anyone and I feel the other person ought to understand my needs just like my Aai Daddy did. Bad habit I suppose. 😊

Although I still get scared to drive in the crazy Mumbai traffic, my memory takes me down to my first driving lesson which you gave me on our Fiat car during my school days. I did not have to walk to school early morning with the heavy school bag as the daily one-way drop to school by car was a luxury those days, school being easily a 20 minute walk from home.

Memories are a plenty. Some to be shared with all and some to be treasured just amongst us.  When I see broken families these days, I thank God for blessing us with parents like you and Aai. The way you both had accepted each others flaws and made the marriage work is something which is not seen in the current generation. I admire you for standing by each other through thick and thin. Daddy, I don't think anybody would be able to take care of their wife the way you have taken care of Aai during her last decade. I truly admire you for that Daddy and have immense respect for you. You are truly the perfect husband and father. 

Thanking you and Aai for the wonderful life that you have provided me and Shrinal would seem clichéd and formal but cannot stop expressing my gratitude towards you and Aai for everything you have done for us and for still continuing to take care of us. May God bless our family forever and keep us away from the evil eye. We would have loved to celebrate your 50th Wedding Anniversary today but unfortunately God had other plans.

All I pray to God is to keep you happy, healthy, contented and may you have a peaceful life ahead. Some people like to express some just leave it unsaid ... some don't think it's important to say it in words and some have their own views about sharing in public. But I'm the expressive kinds and love to express and share my feelings in words which last forever.  Love you Aai Daddy for everything that you have given us in this life. 

I still need her !!!

Age is just a number and our emotions affirm the same. Who says that only a toddler or a teenager needs a mother? Who says I'm old enough now, I don't need a mother to take care of me. Irrespective of the age we all need both our parents as long as we live. Although I admit it is not practical, but losing a parent does makes one so vulnerable that one tends to think of the impossible praying for a miracle to happen. 

I miss being in those arms where I was the most secure. Those arms which comforted me in my lows and showered me with unconditional love and affection in every situation. From holding her hand to clinging onto her arm as I grew older, I would follow her wherever she went. Aai has always been available for Shrinal and me 24x7.

 

She has been my idol ever since childhood, someone whom I used to look up to and adore her for the way she took care of Daddy, me, my lil brother and made our house into a warm and cozy home. She was the perfect home maker and Daddy resonates with me whole heartedly. I have grown in a family where Aai has always been available for us and has been taking care of our every need. So, I had always aspired to being the perfect wife, mother and home maker just like my Aai.

Now, this is by far and large looked down upon. I have experienced people ridiculing me for not having any aspirations in life with respect to my career. Nowadays, the chores which used to be performed by a home-maker mother are replaced by the home staff who takes care of everything that a mother does.

Everything can be bought but not the 'time' a mother can give to her home and family. That cannot be replaced by anyone. It bothers me to see how home makers are looked down upon in this commercial world, as these days one's success is valued only by the status and the commercial value one holds in the society.

Nevertheless, my idol has created a deeper impact in my life than the society at large. My Aai was a super woman for me. A woman who was happy in her little world of her husband and children. Who would spend her free time reading or doing some kind of art work which would keep her occupied throughout the day. I have been living in a fairy tale world build by my Aai till I found how Aai was wronged by people who claimed to care for her. The picture perfect world around me shattered as I was exposed to the bitter truth of the real world around me.

The world collapsed for us when we found out about Aai's illness. Reality glared at us as we saw the faces behind the masks. This is one major complaint I have with Aai. She was too naive to see through people. Would trust easily. As she never spoke ill about anybody, It was an unpleasant discovery as I grew older. I became all the more vary of the people around me.

 We had lost Aai the moment we realized that she was forgetting things. Aai was suffering from Dementia and Parkinson. That tore us apart. My family was devastated. Aai was physically with us but still wasn't. We had lost her the moment she stopped recollecting things and trust me it's is the most painful, heart wrenching feeling when your mother fails to recognise you.

I would avoid crying before her but would always break down in isolation. It tormented me to see her in this condition. Gradually I started reducing my meeting with Aai coz seeing her in this state was killing me every day. I was selfish. I was wrong. I was escaping. 

 I would pray to God to relieve her from her sufferings. Release her from the ones who have caused her pain. Although I was praying this, I knew this time I was not selfish. I needed Aai but she was not there for almost a decade. Having someone only physically with you does not make sense. A person has to be with you emotionally, mentally as well as physically. That's with one's mind, heart and soul.

God listened to me this time. Aai left us on 10th August 2020 to go to a place where she must've got what she deserved. A better place to live. However, I still long for her to hold me close and say, "Don't worry, I'm there. " 

I still need her !!!

Happy Women's Day

Introspection for all the men out there...

We are beautiful, loving, caring, nurturing, enterprising, emphatatic, affectionate, strong, powerful, graceful, enigmatic and not to forget a multitasker adapting to every given situation and justifying every role that we play in life.  Be it a daughter, wife, girlfriend, mother, sister, friend etc..

We are capable of withstanding any and every storm that comes our way. We might cry inconsolably but we spring back on our feet ready to face every situation with full vigour and determination. We love passionately and are capable of showering our loved ones with all the love we could possibly bestow.

Today our inbox is flooded with messages wishing us a Happy Women's Day. Is womanhood really celebrated by everyone sending those messages??? And if yes, in what way???

Is a Woman treated with respect in every walk of life? Do you stand by her and support her in every step she takes? Is she been looked upon anything other than an 'object'? 

Are you treating 'every' woman 'other than' your wife and daughter, right??? Introspect!!!

'RESPECT' is what you need to give throughout your life rather than sending just a message every year on 8th of March.

There is an exception to every rule though. We can certainly celebrate Women's Day coz some men do make us feel special. Cheers to those special men who treat every woman in their life with respect and stand by her through thick and thin. 🙏

Cheers to Womanhood and a Happy Women's Day to all the wonderful women in my life.  🤗😀

Till Death do us part !

What is a husband? The answer to this question was not known to me ‘then’. At the age of 19, marriage to me was like a fairy tale. There would be a Prince Charming who I would fall in love with and eventually he would ask my hand in marriage. Poooffff!!! that was a dream. Although I am a die-hard romantic, there was no one who would fit the bill coz marriage for me has always been for keeps. So eventually I succumbed to my parent’s decision, leaving everything to destiny.

In the process, I was learning to accept things the way they are. Everything does not happen the way you want it to happen and I went on with the flow. That was my first lesson on this journey. Call it respect towards my parents or succumbing or whatever. It taught me that life is not always, ‘have it my way or the highway’. One must learn to give in and move on with a positive attitude.

All I knew was I am getting ‘married’ and believed in the clichéd …‘and they lived Happily ever after’. Little did I know that as kids all of us have been exposed only to the beginning. What comes next is a surprise which nobody can predict. Whatever happens is destined to happen. The roller coaster ride begins and ends alongwith your partner for life or that’s what every couple believes at the time of marriage….’Till death do us part.!’  Sadly, it does not work that way for many these days.

Well…. I was called 'balika vadhu' (child-bride) by our Daddy (read father-in-law). Just about to turn 20, I was too young to understand the meaning of the term ‘marriage’. Well to be honest… I did not even think about or know what marriage meant. And honestly its not just about me, nobody does. I was barely out of college, I guess I get a benefit of doubt there. Over the years I found that couples who are even a decade or more into marriage, fail to understand the ‘true’ meaning of ‘marriage’ and so I still had a long way to go. I was free to explore and learn the ropes of this relationship through the ups and downs together with my life partner.

Having been brought up in a conservative God-loving family, my values of a ‘marriage’ and a ‘husband’ had already been imbibed into me since childhood seeing my parents, uncles aunts having a ‘perfect marriage’ according to me. Well a perfect marriage is not all hunky dory. They all have their share of highs and lows. But what is important is how they managed to sustain that relationship and make things work together as a couple. Having lived in a joint yet independent family, I grew to love and understand ‘relations’. No matter how independent views a woman had and was vocal about them, the men in that generation commanded that respect and a woman without being like the feminist we see these days had no qualms about showering that respect on her ‘man’. I see it as a gesture of Love and Respect both. 

Now we see women wanting desperately to be called ‘equal’ to men or maybe higher. Women take pleasure in being superior to men and expect husbands to perform their tasks as ‘equals’. At the same time the ‘women’ also expect the husband to attend to her since she is a ‘woman’ and uses her weakness as a woman to suit her needs. Although this will not be accepted by majority of the independent women, the double standards cannot be ignored. The existence of a spouse in our life is looked upon by many with mixed feelings. Now it is more of uncertainty, lack of trust and insecurity which is devoid of love and respect.

The answer to my question about what is a husband was answered over the years of marriage. This experience proved that the clichéd ‘Love at first sight’ is nothing but hogwash and literally a fairy tale which is fictional. To live up to the term ‘We are in Love’ one has to undergo several challenges as a couple and in literal sense ‘Till death do us part’. I learnt several lessons throughout my married life and I am still learning, not willing to give up being a student and working on eliminating the minutest mistake in our relationship. 

So being with a man who happens to be the most understanding, sensible, sensitive, caring, level headed, humble, friendly, loving, forgiving person who truly understands and respects relations, I finally understood how an ideal husband should be. These adjectives are not written only for decoration but this man in my life truly deserves not only this but much more.  A friend, companion, philosopher, guide, protector, lover, having all the above mentioned qualities is a ‘Husband’. This is not just the definition of a husband… it is what I have experienced living with such a person. I believe that such a person can be all of this only when he is a good human being else such a character can only be found in fictional stories.

Despite of the fake relationships and broken marriages that are rampant these days, my belief in the institution of marriages still stands strong.  This 'balika vadhu' is no longer a 'balika'  (child) but a woman with decades of life's experiences behind her having being exposed to a number of people and their relationships. I have discovered the key ingredients to any healthy relationship is love, compassion, understanding and respect. The rest automatically follows. Two strangers not related by blood choose to live together until ‘death do us part’. It is such a pious relation if one believes that relationships are forever. Over the years I have realized that although getting married to your best friend is happiness, but finding your best friend in your husband is a Blessing for Life!

The Bicycle Messenger !

‘The Bicycle messenger’ ! One might think of it as the latest app to follow the bandwagon of messenger services like Facebook messenger, Telegram, Signal etc. However it isn’t folks. It is one of the oldest messenger service used by our generation and the generations before ours. In the early 1990’s this messenger service was about to reach a point of extinction however it has still managed to survive as it continues to serve in some specific areas and the remote parts of the country.

The Bicycle Messenger aka ‘THE POSTMAN’ reigned for decades and he was the most sought after being the most popular means of communication. I would wait for him to come and deliver my much awaited mails from my near and dear ones. Letters, greetings from friends and family were sent via the post which were diligently delivered by the Postman. There used to be a fixed time when he would be seen walking down my street and I would eagerly wait for him to come up our building and hand over our mails. Seeing him leave the building without ringing our doorbell would leave me disheartened. However even one mail bearing my name would give me immense joy. It signified one very important thing and that would bring an instant smile on my face. Someone had remembered me, someone had thought of me and cared enough about me to take time out to write to me. That someone had taken efforts not only to write but to find a postage stamp, an envelop and drop that letter or card in the postbox down their street. Those were the simple moments of joy. We derived pleasure and happiness out of the smallest but significant things.

The end of the 20^th century saw the emergence of new means of communication using Technology. Wow… I was happy to see that technology had managed to close the distance between people and we could communicate with our near and dear ones whenever we want and receive the reply instantly. That was the birth of Instant messenger. I was thrilled to use Yahooo messenger which was launched sometime in 1998 and it was the most popular IM (Instant Messenger) service back then. The world suddenly seemed so small. Communication became easier and that was when chats became a part of our life. During the same time Hotmail and Google also had their IM Services and I thought this was here to stay as it brought people closer. To be able to connect, communicate and see each other was at a click of button. It was like a dream come true.

However I was wrong. Like there are two sides to every coin, there was something which I had not thought of. Although with the evolution in technology, the physical distance seemed to reduce, the emotional distance increased. We suddenly did not want to be seen online for everybody and then there were options to stay offline for some. People started to avoid chatting giving all sorts of vague excuses like being busy or whatever. The heartfelt handwritten letters which were replaced with emails suddenly seemed to shorten and would be replied to the point, in brief. Birthday cards carefully chosen with meaningful tests were replaced with cold ‘Happy Birthday’ wishes on chat. Although the smilies on the chat were introduced to express the emotion felt at that time by a person, sadly they started replacing words. Verbal communication had reduced. 

Chats which used to go on for hours had suddenly come to an end. The conversations started becoming cold and now there are no meaningful conversations as one does not even know what to say to the other person. Communication has been replaced with forwarded messeages which are not even read. Wonder why this has happened. Have we lost the essence of communication? Although we have Video calls just a click away, many are seen to avoid video calls. The warmth in the relationship has suddenly gone cold. Although technology has brought the world closer, it has also provided us with a loophole to escape. To escape from each other thereby building a wall between two people.

A few days ago as I was going through my treasure chest of memories, I came across letters and cards sent by family and friends. The warmth in those letters took be down memory lane when things were so different. There was communication. There were words and we used to cherish them. Now it hurts to see how communication has lost its flavour. There is no exchange of meaningful conversations. Wonder what has changed? Why couldn’t we put technology to better use and improve our relationships rather than taking people for granted. I miss those hand written letters and cards. I miss my  Bicycle messenger.  

महेश कोठारे - एक धडाकेबाज व्यक्तिमत्व !

            

“महेश कोठारे ! नाम तो सूना ही होगा !!!” हे नाव केवळ महाराष्ट्रापुरते परिचित नाही तर देशभर प्रसिद्ध आहे. अतिशय अभिमानाची गोष्ट आहे की एक परभी नाव इतके प्रसिद्ध आणि लोकप्रिय झाले. त्यांचे असंख्य चाहते जगभर पसरले आहेत आणि त्यांच्या इतक्या वर्षाच्या  कामगिरीबद्दल त्यांना सन्मानितही केले गेले आहे. ह्या सगळ्या बातम्या आपल्यापर्यंत पोहोचल्या आहेत कारण महेश कोठारे यांच्या असंख्य मुलाखती झाल्या आहेत आणि तशीच त्यांच्याबद्दल सर्व माहिती इंटरनेट वर उपलब्ध आहे.

आपल्या पाठारे प्रभू ज्ञातीतपण घरोघरी महेश कोठारे बद्दलची माहिती आहे, मग ती व्यावसायिक पातळीवर असो कींव्हा खाजगी. कुणाचा भाऊ तर कुणाचा मित्र, कुणाचा भाचा तर कुणाचा पुतण्या, कुणाचा मामा तर कुणाचा काका. त्यामुळे मी असे वेगळे काय सांगणार? तुम्हा सर्वाना सगळं माहीत असूनसुद्धा मी महेश कोठारे बद्दल असे वेगळे काय लिहिणार असे तुम्हाला वाटणे स्वाभाविक आहे.

महेश कोठारे पुनः एकदा चर्चेत आहेत कारण ‘द ब्लॅक लेडी’ पुनः एकदा त्यांच्याकडे आली आहे आणि त्यांना ह्या पुरस्काराने सन्मानित केले गेले आहे. १९८६ मध्ये महेश कोठारे यांना २ Filmfare चे अवार्ड्स मिळाले होते त्यांच्या ‘धूमधडाका’ चित्रपटासाठी, ‘सर्वोत्कृष्ट दिग्दर्शक’ आणि ‘सर्वोत्कृष्ट चित्रपट’ आणि आता २०२१ मध्ये त्यांना सन्मानित केले आहे फॉर ‘Excellence in Cinema’.

‘बाल कलाकार’ म्हणून १९६४ मध्ये ‘छोटा जवान’ ह्या चित्रपटासाठी त्यांना ‘विशेष पारितोषिक’ दिले गेले होते. त्यांनी जेवढे चित्रपट बाल कलाकार म्हणून केले ते सर्वच सुपर हिट ठरले. त्या नंतर ‘प्रीत तुझी माझी’ मधून अवघ्या विसाव्या वर्षात प्रथम नायकाच्या भूमिकेत ते दिसून आले. शिक्षण आणि वकिलीचा व्यवसाय सांभाळून त्यांनी नायक म्हणून बरेच चित्रपट केले आणि त्या दरम्यान एका चित्रपटात त्यांनी खलनायकाची भूमीका देखील साकारली आणि त्या भूमिकेला  देखील त्यांनी अगदी योग्य न्याय दिला.

एक बाल कलाकार ते नायक, खलनायक अश्या भूमिका सकारल्यावर त्यांनी झेप घेतली ‘धूम धडका’ ह्या चित्रपटाची निर्मिती आणि दिग्दर्शन करून आणि त्यांतून सुरुवात झाली एका प्रगल्भ निर्माते आणि दिग्दर्शकाच्या भूमिकेची. धूम धडाका पासून त्यांनी मराठी चित्रपटांचा ट्रेंड बदलून टाकला आणि मराठी तरुण पिढीला चित्रपटगृहात यायला आकर्षित केले. महेश कोठारे यांचा ‘formula’ सुपर हिट ठरला आणि त्यापुढे त्यांनी असे बरेच विनोदी चित्रपट निर्मित आणि दिग्दर्शित केले जे भरगोज यायशस्वी ठरले.

आपण जेव्हा महेश कोठारे यांच्या चित्रपटांकडे पाहतो तेव्हा एक गोष्ट प्रकर्षाने लक्षात येते आणि ती म्हणजे महेश कोठारे नी मराठी सिनेसृष्टिला प्रत्येक वेळेस काहीतरी नवीन देण्याचा प्रयत्न केला आहे आणि त्यांचा तो प्रयत्न यशस्वी ठरला आहे. त्यांनी मराठी सिनेमा ला बऱ्याच नव्या गोष्टी दिल्या आहेत. त्यांचा ‘धडाकेबाज’ चित्रपट मराठी सिने सृष्टिचा पहिला ‘Cinemascope’ चित्रपट आहे. ह्याच चित्रपटात त्यांनी ‘special effects’ चा देखील यशस्वीरित्या प्रयोग केला.  

त्या नंतर ही त्यांनी प्रत्येक चित्रपटात काहीतरी नावीन्य आणण्याचा प्रयत्न केला आहे आणि देवाच्या कृपेने तो प्रयत्न यशस्वी ठरला आहे. तसेच ‘चिमणी पाखरे’ ह्या त्यांच्या सिनेमात त्यांनी प्रथमच मराठी सिनेमात ‘Dolby sound’ आणला. त्यांच्या ‘पछाडलेला’ चित्रपटात महेश कोठारे यांनी प्रथमच ‘Computer generated effects’ आणले तर ‘झपाटलेला -२’ मध्ये त्यांनी 3D तंत्रज्ञानाचा उपयोग केला आणि मराठी सिनेमा ला तीचा पहिला मराठी 3D चित्रपट दिला. त्यांचे हे सगळेच प्रयोग यायशस्वी ठरलेले आहेत. केवळ सिनेसृष्टि न्हवे तर छोट्या परड्यावरच्या त्यांच्या सर्वच मालिका यशास्वी ठरल्या आहेत.   

महेश कोठारे यांचे मराठी सिनेसृष्टीतले योगदान आणि विक्रम इतिहासात जमा झाले आहेत जेणेकरून आपल्यालाच नाही पण आपल्या पुढच्या पीढीला देखील एका पाठारे प्रभूचे मराठी सिनेसृष्टीतले योगदान पाहून अभिमान वाटेल. ह्या योगदानामुळे त्यांना हे बहुमूल्य पारितोषिक फॉर ‘‘Excellence in Cinema’ बहाल करणे स्वाभाविकच आहे आणि त्यासाठी मलाच नाही तर आपल्या संपूर्ण ज्ञाती ला त्यांचा अभिमान असायला पाहिजे.

ही झाली ह्या वर्षाची ताजी बातमी जी मी एक सह संपादिकेच्या भूमिकेतून साकार केली परंतु काही गोष्टी आहेत ज्या मी एक पत्रकार म्हणून न्हवे तर महेश कोठारेंची ‘फॅन’ म्हणून निभावू शकेन असे मला वाटते कारण एका कलाकाराला योग्य मान आणि प्रेम केवळ त्याचा चाहता म्हणजेच त्याचा ‘फॅन’ देऊ शकतो. आम्ही एकाच ‘तळपदे’ कुटुंबाचा भाग असल्यामुळे अर्थातच आमच्या घरी महेश मामा बद्दल चर्चा व्हायच्या आणि लहानपणापासूनच मी ‘आपल्या’ सुपरस्टारची ‘फॅन’ झाले.

शाळेत असतानाच मला कळले की महेश कोठारे हे नाव किती प्रसिद्ध आहे. तेव्हा धूमधडका चर्चेत होता आणि त्या वेळेस मराठी चित्रपट जरी असला तरी माझ्या अमराठी मैत्रिणींनी धूम धडाका पाहिलेला आणि महेश कोठारे हे नाव माझ्या मैत्रिणीं मध्ये सुद्धा परिचित होते आणि त्यांचे सर्वच चित्रपट लोकं आवडीने पहायला जायचे ह्याच मला लहानपणापासूनच अभिमान होता. मी आजपर्यंत केवळ तीन ‘फॅन मेल’ पाठवले आहेत आणि माझे पहिले ‘फॅनमेल’ माझ्या वयाच्या 12व्या वर्षी मी महेश मामाला पाठवलेले त्यांची ‘Khaitan’ Fan म्हणून.    

माझ्या मैत्रिणींचा महेश कोठारे बद्दलचा आदर पाहून मला एक गोष्ट लक्षात आली की, जितका संमान परकी माणसं देतात तितकी आपली माणसं देत नाहीत. कारण एखादी व्यक्ति यशस्वी व्हायला लागली की त्या व्यक्तिबद्दल प्रशंसा सोडा, निंदा जास्त ऐकण्यात येतात आणि आश्चर्य म्हणजे मराठी माणसंच मराठी माणसांची निंदा कारायला पुढे असतात.

“निंदकाचे घर असावे शेजारी”, असे म्हणतात खरे परंतु कायम जेव्हा केवळ निंदाच करतात तेव्हा लक्षात येतं की लोकांना केवळ टीका करता येते. प्रशंसा करायला मोठे मन लागते जी फारच दुर्लभ गोष्ट आहे. कधीतरी शंका येते की हा दोष केवळ आपल्या मराठी माणसातच आहे की काय. कवी चंद्रशेखर गोखले यांनी कीती योग्य म्हटलंय, “चढाओढ या शब्दाचा अर्थ आपण कीती उलट लावतो, कोणी वर चढताना दिसला, कि लग्गेच खाली ओढायला धावतो.” 

मला अजूनही कळत नाही की, ‘आपलं’ समजून कोणी का साथ देत नाही? टीका करणाऱ्यांनी एवढा तरी विचार करावा की आपण तेवढे तरी करू शकतो का जे त्या व्यक्तीने केले आहे? एक ‘फॅन’ म्हणून मला ह्या गोष्टींचा प्रचंड राग येतोच परंतु जास्त राग ह्या गोष्टीचा येतो की ‘आपल्या’ माणसांबद्दल कोणी टीका का करावी? प्रोत्साहनाची पहिली थाप जेव्हा आपल्या माणसांकढून येते तेव्हा स्वतःवरचा विश्वास अजूनही भक्कम होतो. एखादी व्यक्ति त्याचा बळावर पुढे येते, प्रचंड परिश्रम घेऊन बरेच पडाव पार करून आपले नाव कामावते परंतु त्या परिश्रमाला नजरेआड करून लोकांना केवळ टीका करण्यात स्वारस्य असते ही फाराच लज्जास्पद गोष्ट आहे.  

महेश कोठारे यांची हल्लीच झालेली एक मुलाखत मी ‘यू ट्यूब’ वर पाहिली आणि ती पाहून त्यांच्याविषयी अभिमान द्विगुणित झाला. मी महेश कोठारे यांना एका वेगळ्या दृष्टीने पाहिले. एक अतिशाय ‘Down to Earth’ व्यक्तिमत्व समोर आले जे मला खरोखर अपेक्षित नव्हते.  आपली ‘Success story’ सगळेच सांगतात परंतु आपले अपयश ‘social media’ वर जाहीर स्वीकारणे फार कमी. आपल्यातही काही दुर्बलता आहे हे मान्य करणारे महेश कोठारे दिसले परंतु आपल्या सामर्थ्याला जोपासून पुढे जाऊन सर्व अडथळ्यांवर मात करून जिंकणारे महेश कोठारेही दिसले आणि त्याचक्षणी ते, ‘धडाकेबाज’ ठरले. ह्या माणसांत मी साहस पाहिला, जगाशी भिडण्याची ताकद पाहिली आणि जी गोष्ट मला सर्वात आकर्षित करते, ती म्हणजे त्यांचा ‘प्रामाणिकपणा’ दिसला. एका ‘pheonix’ पक्षासारखी त्यांची भरारी पाहिली. ज्या साहसाने त्यांनी सर्व अडथळ्यांना पार केले आणि आज हा मुक्काम गाठला, त्या बद्दल अभिमान वाटला.

महेश कोठारे यांनी मराठी सिनेसृष्टिला जे योगदान दिले आहे ते अमूल्य आहेच आणि जो पर्यंत मराठी सिनेसृष्टि आहे तो पर्यंत तरी त्यांचे नाव अमर आहे. महेश कोठारे आम्हाला तुमचा प्रचंड अभिमान आहे. तुमचे मनापासून अभिनंदन. तुम्हाला तुमच्या पुढ्या वाटचालीसाठी खूप खूप शुभेच्छा आणि तुमच्या ‘Fans’ ची संख्या वाढत जावो हीच सद्दीछा. परंतु तुमचा ‘Khaitan Fan’ कायम एकच हां ... “संजना उर्फ मिनोती कोठारे!!! नाम तो सुना होगा???”